Today I learned that I woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer about a year before me went into hospice. While her initial tumor was larger than mine, like me she did not have any lymph node involvement. She went through a similar treatment. Things seemed to be going well. Then she started experiencing severe back pain. She went to a chiropractor initially who said she had sciatic nerve issues and it would take a few treatments but he'd get things loosened up.
Unfortunately, the chiropractor did not realize the real problem was a large tumor which was pressing on her spine. After several months she had difficulty walking, sitting or lying down. She went to see her primary doctor who ran some tests. That's when they found the tumor. The tumor was inoperable. Chemo and radiation failed to shrink the tumor. It has finally been determined that nothing further can be done for this woman and she probably only has a matter of weeks left.
While this is always heartbreaking news, it happened to hit me while I was battling my own fears of the possibility of recurrence. I didn't think about it so much while I was in the midst of treatment. However, as I prepare to finish treatment next week, that fear attempts to jump in your face. It appears this happens to most cancer survivors so now I know I'm normal
It is easy to let fear overwhelm you and throw you to the ground. Fear likes to wrap cords around your throat and push you inside a cage. Fear is bigger than me but it is not bigger than Christ who dwells within me! Sorry. I'm crying right now. I have to repeat this statement all by itself because I really feel like someone, somewhere at some point in time needs to see this. I know it's not polite to write in all caps but I think it will be appropriate in this case because I want to lift up my voice and make sure everyone hears this; not only in regards to me but also in regards to themselves.
If I am alive in myself, fear can destroy me. If I am dead to myself but alive in Christ, it is impossible for fear to conquer me. I am not walking in my own strength rather I am walking in the strength of Christ.
This week I just finished a reading a sequel to the book, Bruchko which is called Bruchko And The Motilone Miracle In this book, the author recounts a conversation he had with his Motilone friend and brother, Bobarishra. Recently, the author had the opportunity to share the gospel with some of the Motilone men. Although he had been with them for several years, he had waited on God's perfect timing as he became a friend and brother to these people.
One night Bobarishra asked Bruce how he could walk on Jesus' trail. Bruce reminded Bobarishra of what he had said when Bruce was afraid to climb high into the hammocks and sing because the rope might break. He'd told Bruce he couldn't stand with one foot in the hammock and the other on the ground. He had to be suspended. Bruce explained that you had to tie your hammock strings to Jesus and be suspended in God.
I need to remember that I am suspended in God. My hammock (life) may rock back and forth. I may think I'm going to tumble out of it. I may be suspended high above the ground (I hate heights). I might even wonder if the rope will break. That's when I need to remember my hammock strings are tied to Jesus and I am suspended in God. I am cradled in his hand and I am in the safest place I could ever possibly be! You are too, if you are willing to tie your hammock strings to Jesus rather than your own strength.
Perfect love casts out fear. I think at times we tend to concentrate so much on believing for physical healing, we actually open the door to fear when either we or someone close to us has a set back. I know that Jesus Christ paid for my sin and by His stripes I was healed. Whether I can actually manifest the faith everyday of my life to believe what I know, that is a different story.
God has brought you so far on this journey, I can't believe He would suddenly drop you now. God will suspend you, support you and may even surprise you. Peace be to you and may the perfect love of Christ within you bring you great peace and comfort and wipe away all fear.
Have no feer, if you believe in him you are healed. you may pass away tonight, but as long as you have him as your lord and savior, and truly believe, you will go to Him free of cancer. have faith. i personally know a woman who was dignosed with cancer that started in her pancreas, very bad. she wint into hospice, and with no treatment, her cancer is now in remission. with treatment or without, as long as you believe in Him, in that he is your friend and loves you, you are healed. I actually know the cancer the woman you talked about, having learned of it recently. here's a fact many over look. radiation causes cancer. sometimes the treatment is as bad as or worse than the original disease. god made a cure for everything on this planet. radiation is man made. if this treatment you are taking does't work, try something of God. people have published many different natural cures, especially over the last few years. i know a woman right now who is fighting lung cancer. shes using cantron for treatment, it comes from squid ink. her doctor objected because it's isn't Fda aproved. here's something not well known, neither is radiation or kemo. i'm not saying those things don't work, but if you really trust in God, shouldn't you also trust his medicine. mans medicine versus God's medicine. also to, how do you know this woman really had the faith she needed to allow any healing be that of man or God. I am not saying, by the way, that all man made medicine is bad. God gives us knowledge. but that goes to dicernment of wether certain treatments are of God or of man. Every case, cure, and decission is different. i just prefer to leave some things to Him. I believe if i die tonight i am going to be with Him. so i don't care if i get cancer to go with.
I don't know what is more trouble some, the trouble or our own inherent fear. If I was sick, I would not say, I'm not fearful, But then have we done everything we can do to bring peace to our mind? Have we prayed? Have we fasted? Have we examined our walk with God? Have we confessed our sins? Have we humbled ourselves truly? Is there someone we haven't forgiven? There are not guarantees, but God does promises to anwer the prayer, if we humble ourselves, seek God's face, turn from our wicked wasy and pray. 2 Chronicles 7:14, I must say it takes work to humble and fast and confess one's sins.
But is that too much to ask if God promises to heal your land? May you be blessed. Amen.
This blog is not about cancer treatment. It is about being able to trust in God in every circumstance. We all have times when we battle with fear. This blog was about a battle I had with fear today and how I dealt with it. I posted it in hopes that it could be an encouragement to someone else who may face their own battle with fear either now or in the future.
Loretta Hooks (@friend1972) you said [quote]I believe if i die tonight i am going to be with Him. so i don't care if i get cancer to go with. [/quote] That is easy to say because you as far as you know, you don't have cancer. I pray you never do have to face that and that you will never have fear creep up on you unexpectedly.
@tohimbetheglory I am currently cancer free but recurrence is always something a cancer survivor is concerned about. Why is it when someone becomes chronically ill Christians often immediately assume the person is sinning? Jesus was asked that question concerning a blind man. He said no one had sinned but this was for the glory of God.
God has faithfully brought me through diagnosis, chemotherapy and radiation--three more treatments left. My blood counts would get really low but then they would go up enough so that I never had to be hospitalized once. God is bigger than chemo and I can testify to that fact. One of the side-effects of one of my chemo drugs was your nails can turn black and peel (yes, peel) off. I prayed and asked God to protect my nails as a outward sign that things were working. God honored that prayer. They have some lines but other than that, they have remained strong throughout chemo. In fact, they're tougher than they were going into chemo! The chemo nurses couldn't believe it.
I got radiation burns. People prayed. Many, many people prayed including people on this site. My radiation oncologist thought I was going to have to stop. He'd look at me and ask, "How much pain are you having?" He'd probe gently and I wouldn't budge. Then he'd say, "Well, since there's no apparent pain, it must not be as bad as it looks. We can continue treatment on schedule." Praise God! I learned that God is bigger than radiation burns. I always knew he was but now I had tangible proof in my own life. It doesn't matter how much chemo I'm given or how much radiation I'm given. I'm suspended in God's hand and that's all that matters.
Now I get to learn that God is bigger than fear of recurrence.
Well I didn't mean to imply that you were sinning and if I was the one who was fighting your battle, I would know what to do. I don't know if I would have your faith to deal with the threat of recurring cancer. I have my own fight with this life. I haven't been able to build on the greater things of life for God. That is my constant concerned. I'm constantly snared to serve those that love me only superficially.
I have to live with them, forgive thier blasphemies, thier insinuations, their fallen state and have to wait on them. I don't have the like of your problem or potential problem. My prayer each day is that God puts love in my heart for those I deal with in this life. Sometime it feels like sheer death to work and finish all thier chores and cater to all their needs when I remember I haven't been able to put a brick to build my own life.
Perhaps this doesn't seem like a problem but I have to take two pill to help me stay sane and calm and perhaps reasure me that I still know what reality is and what is not. I'm not a stranger to sin. I have lusts and pulls and have to take them to God and confess them. I didn't mean to imply that you sin, I mean to say that I do and I have to confess it constantly to God.
I hope God strengthen you and that he gives you peace and serenity and have no doubt in my mind that her will give that peace if we ask him because that what I do every day. May you be blessed. Amen.