With each passing day, I become more aware of my frailities and limitations. I could try to claim that I'm strong enough, brave enough, smart enough, etc. to easily encounter and subdue anything this life throws at me. However, to do so would not only be pure arrogance, it would be a bald-faced lie.
The truth is, I am not brave and I am not strong. Every instinct in me wants to run and hide in the face of adversity. I drove myself to chemo last Friday a week ago. My mom drove me home as I'm not to be trusted driving after some of those meds they stick in me. I'm amazed that I even made it to chemo. Everything in me screamed "Run!" I actually trembled a bit as I fought against the urge to turn my vehicle around, hit the accelerator as hard as I could and never come back. I am definitely not brave!
The other night, in that state half-way between awake and asleep, my hand happened to fall across the right side of my chest. Instantly I was wide awake, in tears and half-screaming for my husband. I felt as if my heart had frozen because I had felt a lump. For an instant, I was a quivering mess until I realized that lump under on my chest was actually my port. It was supposed to be there and it definitely was not a tumor! I should have known that but I have a tendancy to let my imagination and fears race ahead me instead of calmly assessing a situation. You would think I'd learn from past experiences but I'm not the brightest bulb in the universe!
The bottom line is...I need a savior. I'm not good enough, brave enough, strong enough...whatever enough to save myself. It just won't work. Thankfully, God is. He saw me from the beginning. He knew me for who I was...yet he didn't turn away from me. He saw the pitiful state I was in and the pit I was trapped in. He saw my fears and weaknesses. He saw all of my corruption and my inability to clean myself up.
He saw me trying to hide from him in my shame.
The God of Glory reached his hand down toward me. "I'm not..." the words died on my tongue. God smiled and said "I am." The moment I began to reach my trembling hand toward him, he grabbed me!
I am not brave enough, strong enough, good enough, big enough, etc. However, I don't have to be. God is and I am in his hands. I need a savior.
Thanks for a wonderful, inspiring writing. Of ourselves, we are nothing, but we have a Savior and from His accomplishment we are saved and given the grace to overcome our fears and weakness and find liberty and peace of heart and mind. Blessings to you in your journey and may peace and joy rule in your heart.
In our moments of utter and total honesty before our Lord, we find that we are nothing but a broken reed which has no reason to be. But ever so gently and ever so tenderly He touches the brokenness and makes the reed whole again, to receive the sun's light and wave gently in the wind.
Without His help, his support and care; all of us would crumble in a heap of despair. He alone keeps us strong and sure, for He alone will always be there.
Life is but a vapor a mist that is here and gone. We live we breathe we move we die. This short journey through what we call life, is but a moment in the span of eternity we have to look forward to. Nothing in this life, neither good or bad is worthy to be compared to that which awaits us when this journey is done and our trials are finally over.
Be of good cheer for there remains a rest that awaits us all. Be of good cheer for the woes of the present will be over soon enough. Be of good cheer for there remains God's peace. Be of good cheer for we will soon be with Him and never be forced to endure the agony or the ecstasy of this life again.
Praying for you to rest in His tender love and for the gentleness of His mercy to flood you with all of His peace and comfort.
amen we all need a savior, we all ned saving no one is good enough on their own