Earlier today, I was reading a blog published by @southernchristian entitled Death and Dying. While I have never been paralyzed, I have been confronted with the subject of death and dying, especially over the past few years. As I read Southernchristians's blog, my thoughts went back to a couple of things. First, I thought about when I learned I had cancer and went through the horrors of chemotherapy which can be likened to a bomb going off inside your body and nearly decimating your immune system leaving it completely vulnerable. We fail to realize exactly how close we would be to death if it were not for our immune systems. Being brought to that point, where you are helpless to fight death on your own, does make a lasting impact on you.
The second thing I thought of was the night I had that brain aneurysm rupture and at the time, no one, including medical personal, knew what on earth was going on. I remember trying to "think"... but nothing happened. I guess in some respects you could say that I was suffering from paralysis of the mind. Everything was strangely "silent", if you know what I mean. Physically, I wasn't paralyzed at least as far as moving my limbs. My family tells me I responded "yes" or "no" when asked questions but that was it. I was on "auto-pilot". However, in one of my lucid moments, I had the "sense" that I should pray, attempted to form words in my mind and... even as I tried to string them together it was as if the words crumbled into single letters which fell to the ground. I realize this probably makes absolutely no sense to most people but anyone who has had the experience of trying to get their body to do something and getting no response from it will undoubtedly understand.
I cannot even write about what happened next without bursting into tears. Out of the "nothingness" came Christ. Oh! Not as a "vision" but I was suddenly completely aware of one thing and that one thing was Jesus Christ! It was as if He had ripped aside a curtain and there He was... sitting right beside me in that ambulance... holding me... and nothing else mattered!
In his blog Southernchristian wrote:
I shared similar life-threatening incidents stories with others. They listen with gritted teeth and wonder why I did not do something different or more or at least prayed for physical restoration.You know... I never did pray for physical restoration or anything else like that. I was too busy simply being caught up in Him. I do remember I was able to pray a few minutes later as the ambulance screamed into the night but it was not for myself... it was for people that I love and who love me. I was asking God to be with them.
Nearly 25 years ago I penned these words:
Jesus you are, The Light in my life, You give me joy, Fill my soul with delight, You drive away all of the Remnants of night, You are the Light in my life.
When I'm alone,
You are always there,
When sorrow comes my way,
I know you always care,
When clouds of darkness hide,
Your presence from my eyes,
Still I know that you're alive.
I'm not afraid,
For I'm living in your hands,
You give me strength to fight,
And courage to stand,
All powers of darkness,
Must flee before your sword,
And must confess that you are Lord!
I am guessing that I had no need to pray for myself for I was in the very best place I could possibly be... I was in God's hands. Isn't that the only thing that really matters?
Always remember that no matter how dark the night is, we have THE LIGHT, which is Jesus Christ and there is no darkness, I repeat, NO darkness that can extinguish The Light!
You O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. Ps. 18:28