I took today off as I wanted to make it a day of reflection. Less than hours from now will mark the one year anniversary of day I went to sleep as usual and woke up battling for my life.
I realize that many have heard the story. Indeed, a number of people watched it unfold even as I battled for my life in ICU, unaware for the most part of what had taken place. Even so, I want to look back at it one year later so that all who read this may understand that it is truly a miracle that I am writing this blog and that they might understand that God is ever mindful of us and reaches us even when no one else can.
It had been undetected for 49 years. No one knew about this tiny weakness (2 mm) inside my brain which I had been born with. No one, that is, except God.
He could have prevented it. He could have made it so it was never there. He could have eliminated it. He could have made it so that I would go all of my days without knowing it even existed. That is what happens to most of us. It is estimated that perhaps as many as 60% of us have at least one tiny brain aneurysm but they don't break. We go through life never knowing that we have a time bomb ticking away inside our head. Mine went off sometime before midnight on December 10, 2009. For reasons only God fully understands, He allowed this to take place but it is evident that He was completely in charge of the entire situation.
Most of the people who survive a ruptured brain aneurysm experience some symptoms before it actually breaks. Most of the time they are awake. I had no symptoms whatsoever. In fact, I was chatting away with friends here at CB shortly before it happened. Later, I was telling my husband what a great day I had, I was making plans for the weekend and Christmas, I was doing a special project with my students the next day, life was good!
I fully expected to wake up in my bed the next morning, go to school, have a great day, decorate the house for Christmas the next day, go Christmas shopping and that sort of thing. I did none of the above.
I went to bed that night and within a few hours my bewildered family waited and prayed as medical experts at a major hospital frantically tried to figure out exactly what had happened.
My primary physician and oncologist have both told me that was one good radiologist on duty that night. They tell me the tiny rupture would have been so easy to miss, especially with everything else that was going on. I fully believe that God was guiding that radiologist and my doctors... well... they agree.
According to man, I am supposed to be dead or in a coma or disabled and unemployed right now. I am none of those things. What I am doing is praising God for His mercy and goodness and being a witness to you and anyone else who will listen to me. I am a witness to the fact that there is no darkness which can shut out the light of God and that God can reach you "wherever" you may be.
Through all of the confusion and the "nothingness"... there was God. For nearly a week, I knew little but the one thing I did know was that God was with me... wherever it was that I was.
You know what? The same is true for you. Wherever you are at, whatever you are enduring...even if no one else can reach you, God can and He will. Unable to see for the most part, unable to direct my own movements, unable to speak unless spoken to, unable to think and even interact with my world, God heard the innermost cry of my heart... even though I didn't. And He breathed upon me these words... "I am with you." and... He was, He is and He always will be.
[quote]He breathed upon me these words... "I am with you." and... He was, He is and He always will be.[/quote]
Amen! Thanks be to God!
I just had a thought...we have been titanium twins for one year this week!
Amen and amen Sister K! Glory unto He Who Reigns forever! may you continue to be Blessed and a blessing! A Brother from Windy Wyoming!
It has been nothing less than amazing to stand and watch God's hand in your life. And where I'm sure you would rather be a poster child for God's blessings in ways besides cancer and a brain aneurysm, you are a living, breathing testimony to His grace.
K, I don't remember if I've ever heard the story of how you went to sleep to realizing you needed to get to the ER. Did you wake up in excruciating pain? And then your hubby rushed you to the hospital or called 911?