I looked dismally at the results from the blood tests I had to have every two weeks prior to chemo. I could look at them online on my electronic medical chart and I had printed out the current one as well as the previous ones and brought them with me to my pre-chemo appointment. I had a few questions and since my oncologist had opened the door by telling me bring in all and he meant all of my questions, I took him at his word. The poor man. He has to deal with me for at least the next five years and I like to know about every little detail. He didn't know what he was getting into when he agreed to take me on as a patient.
I shoved the papers under his nose and demanded that he interpret all of these words and numbers. He patiently complied. Then I began to fire questions at him. So why is this going up and why is that going down? I heard that..., I don't understand why..., Should I be worried about this?
"You've been reading again, haven't you." he replied. "Remember I told you to be careful what you read. There's a lot of great information out there but there is a lot of misinformation out there as well. Remember that. Don't believe everything you read. Check it out."
He carefully went through each of the reports with me. "The important thing to understand is that these numbers do reflect what I'm doing to you. I'm making these numbers go higher or lower. You may feel like they're out of control but they're not. I'm monitoring you closely and making the necessary adjustments as needed so the chemo can do it's job."
That made me feel a lot better. I was being carefully watched and although my body was taking a beating, things were not out of control.
There are many times in my life during which I feel like everything is spinning out of control. I can't understand why God allows this or that to happen. I certainly wouldn't allow it if I were God I tell myself presumptuously. I guess that's a very good reason why I'm not God. I'd muck things up immediately!
It may be hard to believe it but God really does have my life under control. I might not understand it. I may never understand it but that is beside the point. I just have to learn to trust him at his just like I trusted my oncologist.
Job 23:14 (NLT)
Amen. I think this is something we all need to hear. Our life isn't going to get better, because we naturally get older and start breaking down. But the most important thing is that God is in control. Always.
I am praying for you!