On Monday night I made a rather foolish decision, one I have been prone to make over the past few years. I sometimes resist going to bed until I am completely and I mean completely exhausted. Some of it is genetic. My mother has done this for a number of years but sleeplessness accompanies it. I believe that while that might be a factor in my case, due to when this problem began, it has more to do with the fact that it was in that very bed, while I was sleeping, that my brain aneurysm ruptured. There is something within me that feels a reluctance to lie down in that spot once again.
The common-sense approach would be to move my bed of course but in actuality, due to the physical layout of the room, that simply is not possible. This is the only spot where it fits so there it remains. I simply have had to learn to deal with it. Things have actually become better over the past (almost) seven years. I get into bed immediately now, rather than stare downat it for five, ten or even fifteenminutes or longer. Rarely now do I move in the night and suddenly start and cry out. I never did those things anywhere else, only in my own room so I have known all along these were the after-effects of trauma and would probably fade with time. They have. The resistence to sleep is something however, that has been harder to break because I only have to have it happen one time before it turns into a vicious cycle. Why? Because if one goes to sleep at 4 a.m. and has the luxury of getting up as their body dictates rather than by an alarm clock, one is not going to be sleepy at 11:00 at night. So, the cycle continues unless you willfully decide to try to break it. I think I now have the motivation to break it once and for all.
You see, unknown to me, I was not the only one up and about in the wee hours Tuesday morning. My little grandson, who has just come home from the hospital after nearly seven weeks, was "up and about" as well, adjusting to his new surroundings and he wanted his mom to keep him company.
I went to bed at 4:30 a.m. on Tuesday morning. I know! I know! That was a very bad idea but it gets even worse. My husband's alarm goes off at 5:00 a.m. Normally I block it out and sleep right through it but not yesterday. It seemed like I had finally just gone to sleep when I was jerked awake by the alarm on his phone. Grrr... . I was glad I could snuggle back down under the covers and try to go back to sleep.
RINNNGGGGG!!! It was now 7:00 a.m. and this time it was my phone. It was my son who was wondering if I could possibly stop by for a few hours so his wife could get a break. She hadn't slept all night and was exhausted. He had to go into the office around 9 and had to put in at least a few hours. A sane person would have said no but mothers are not sane people. They are mothers. I blurted out that I had not gone to bed until 4:30 a.m. and was in no condition to drive at the moment, especially when the destination is 30 minutes away. Before his gasp died away, I interjected that I would head right to bed to snatch a couple more hours of sleep and be there around 11:00. What can I say?I'm a mom er... mum er... mother and it is what we do. We figure out how to "show up" (or send a representative) for our children whether it is convenient for us or not.
I arrived at 11 and sent my grateful daughter-in-law off to bed. She went off peacefully knowing that her son was in the hands of his grandmother who had walked this road of dealing with a restless baby more than once. She slept, baby slept and Grandma washed the breakfast dishes, swept the floor, put on the teapot andsorted through the things that had come from the hospital putting them away or organizing them to make it easier for her daughter-in-law to do later.
About three hours later, my daughter-in-law emerged from her room looking much better just as her son was beginning to think about eating once again. She grinned as she viewed the transformation that had taken place while she was resting. She felt calmer and better equipped to do the job she needed to do. As a result, her son was calmer as well.
I passed on the words of wisdom and encouragement that older mothers have been passing onto young mothers from one generation to another since Eve began doing that so long ago. My grandson ate and listened as his mother and grandmother talked, laughed and even sometimes got a bit teary-eyed. He then went to work trying to charm us which was a very easy feat for him and he seems to know it.
During "tummy time", I pointed out little details in his development that she might have missed. Sometimes it is useful to have a mother-in-law who has a background in child development and learning for she notices "little things" that might be missed by ordinary mortals.
I stayed far later than I had planned but when the clock struck five, I decided I would rather stay here for a few hours longer than sit in rush hour traffic fro a few hours. It was better here.
My son came home and insisted on making dinner. My son loves to cook. That is one of his way of "resting" so I let him. Now it was his turn and I sat and listened tomyson as he talked about the good things that had happened that day. He is meeting with a new client today. Did his wife tell me that she has an upcomingjob interview at a day care center for a job that begins in January?It pays more than her current job and is much closer as well. She did and I am praying!
My grandson ate at 6 and then at 9. I made the suggestion that my daughter-in-law head off to bed in a bit and let my son take care of the last feeding before he went to bed. Maybe that would allow her to get in more sleep before the 3 a.m. feeding. If they were lucky, he might even sleep through that one and not awaken until five or six. I remembered how happy I had been when my baby slept from about 11:00 p.m. until 5 a.m. and had been grateful that change had taken place around the time my six week maternity leave had ended. They thought my suggestion was a good one and were going to try it.
I found myself smiling as I watched my son with his son. He is a good father. He is a really good father. I told him that and do you know what his response was? He said, "I had a good father and a good mother teach me." I was humbled because I know there were a lot of mistakes but there were two things we did get right. We demonstrated that we loved him as well as one another rather than merely talk about it.We raised him in the ways of the Lord even if he has not always followed them (none of us do, quite frankly) and we showed up.
I reluctantly got to my feet around 9:00 p.m. It was calm and peaceful here and I could hear the cold wind wailing outside in the darkness. I knew the temperature had plummetted since I had been there and as I am writing this, it is still well below freezing and there are a few scattered snowflakes in the air. Still, I carried away with me the peaceful scene of my son with his wife and son, sitting together under the glow of the lamplight. The turmoil of the previous night was but a memory and they were resting in peace.
This world is a place of unrest and turmoil but we must remember that we serve the Prince of Peace Himself. At any moment, we can step away and run into His arms yet often we do not do that. How foolish we are! Sometimes, we will run into His arms but once we are there, we turn, fuss and resist His attempts to soothe us. We focus on our wants orour needs rather than on Him. Stop.
When Jesus taught His disciples to pray, that prayer began and ended with acknowledgement of who God is and praise. Something incredible happens when we do the same thing. We find ourselves resting in Him. Yes, our prayers may still be fervent and well they should be but we pray with the assurance that one way or another, all is well for God is at the helm and we can trust Him even through the fiercest of storms. Come what may, we are NOT alone. He will never leave us nor forsake us and we can rest in Him.
When Vicky was born she did not sleep at all it seemed for the first year of her life. She cried all night every night . I loved those days when grandma would come and allow me to get my head down for even an hour .
What a blessed hour.
What a blessing you are in your grandsons life .