This has been a very long week. Last Monday morning, I got the test results back on a routine mammogram and by Thursday I learned that it is highly unlikely that the type of tumor I have is not cancer. It's not impossible, of course. That's the case sometimes but it's rare enough that no one wanted to raise my hopes.
As I wrote earlier, God has been surrounding me with incredible people; many of whom were brought into my life within this past year. That is evidence enough that God foresaw this moment in time and he won't leave me hanging. Verses from the Word have been ever present in my mind. Every morning when I've awakened, Chris Tomlin's rendition of "How Can I Keep From Singing?" is running through my mind. What a joy it is to wake up with music giving honor and glory to our God playing in your head. That tells me where my thoughts have been. No wonder I've been waking up refreshed and ready to face the day! In addition, I've been feeling the prayers of all the many people who have been praying for me.
When you know that God is our healer, when you know that he is our very help in times of trouble, when you know that you are in his hands and nothing can tear you from him, you would think that life would be a piece of cake. Unfortunately, it's not. No one ever said it would be easy. We live in a fallen world and as Adam's seed we're subjected to certain things such as physical and emotional pain, sickness and even death. That's just the way it is whether we like it or not.
Late last night, after a great day, I was driving home alone after attending a concert my husband was running sound for. He'd had to be there pretty early and would have to stay late so we took two vehicles. After telling my son and his girlfriend (who also attended the concert) goodbye, I started for home. Everything was great. I was singing at the top of my lungs, full of thankfulness for the great day I'd had. Then... wham! I was caught completely off guard and burst into tears.
I sobbed and screamed in agony at God. The questions came spilling out. All this was happening as I was zooming down the freeway through city traffic. There was silence as I struggled within myself. I wiped away my tears and listened. There wasn't an earthquake, a voice from heaven or anything else that would catch the attention of anyone except me. I had the sudden realization that Jesus Christ, Immanuel (God with us) was crying along with me. The outcome wasn't important. At this moment, God was crying along with me. He knew and understood my pain, sadness and fear.
When life is difficult, words only help so much. The most comforting thing of all is to be tightly held by someone as you shed tears together. I was being held by and shedding tears with Immanuel. The same is true for all of us.