I remember the day I first saw it. My son and his wife were moving back to Minnesota after she had lost her job teaching at a small private school in rural Nebraska. My son had come back a few weeks before the school year was finished to try to find a job and a place for them to live. He had managed to find a resonably-priced duplex in a nice area just across the river from the neighborhood where both he and I had grown up. He called me up and asked if I wanted to go and look at it with him. I did.
While the kitchen and bathroom were definitely out-dated by about 50 years, it was a cute little two bedroom place with a large fireplace, nice hardwood floors and a large unfinished basement. After taking a few pictures so his wife could see it, she immediately texted back that he should rent it so he did. They officially moved in a few weeks later.
I remember how hopeful my son had been. He had found a job. It wasn't a great job but it was a job at least and he would continue to look for something better. Though they had to leave one home, he had acquired another one. The life they had begun when they had married two years before had changed locations. This hadn't been a part of the plan but then my son knew full well from personal experience that life seldom goes according to plan. They had each other. They had family and friends. They would survive. At least he thought so.
Some people look forward. When things do not turn out the way they had planned, they roll with the punches and move on. The plan may have failed but there are new plans to make and new adventures to follow. Other people become immobilized, making themselves and everyone around them miserable. Sometimes, in their unhappiness, they begin to blame others even if the reason for the change was due to something they did or did not do.
Three years ago, a young couple stood in that house. One had a resolved look in their eye to carve out a new life, the other one could not get past their grief, their broken dream.
I stood alone in that house alone for a few moments last evening. The last of my son's possessions were removed and only a few last things of his roommate of the past six months remained. The house will be completely empty this weekend. This past fall, another dream was shattered when my son's wife left only to return a little over a week later to remove her things. Their marriage legally ended in early February. He was tired of fighting to save a marriage she did not seem to want and when the divorce papers came, after a few adjustments, he signed them. It was over. He wished her well and hopes she will eventually find the happiness that seems to allude her.
She is finishing up her master's degree, is purchasing a house and is shopping for a new car. She had their only vehicle. My son got a beat-up old truck for a few hundred dollars and is moving in with a friend in order to save up some money and rebuild his life. He feels like he is moving backwards but I reminded him that sometimes we must step backwards in order to go forwards.
It is time to leave the house of broken dreams. Sometimes, it can be repaired and restored but other times it cannot and we must move on. When we do, we must remember that God bigger than our broken dreams. Our times are in His hands and that though we do not see it, if we trust and follow Him, if we give Him our dreams, even the broken ones, the VERY best is yet to come.
Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
K - thank you for sharing a very sad blog. If one of my children went through this, I'd be in bits. You are great for I know he couldn't hope for a better mother to support him, encourage him and help him along as needed.
From Daniel's perspective, well, I know a bit how it feels to be left feeling like you're moving backwards after splitting with someone you planned to build a life with. It is dreadful having this - punch in the gut - and yet life is keeping going on as fast as ever all around you, and you must keep going or you will drop all the eggs you're juggling. Unless you have the right people around you and a close relationship with the Lord, this can mean that the pain of the broken relationship remains traumatic for quite some time after you forgave one another: because the pain got shoved to the back a drawer, until you had the time and strength to sort through it once and for all, only to find it pops its head up every so often when you really don't need it.
That is why, based on the sensitivity and love which you have shown in your writing of this blog, I am glad for Daniel that he has you. I am sure it will still take time for him - for all of you - and just so sorry that he is going through this. Sending a to the three of you.
I pray that the Lord would hear and answer Daniel's prayers, meet his needs, and give him security, comfort, peace and love - and reassure Daniel that He is with him always.
"Our times are in His hands and that though we do not see it, if we trust and follow Him, if we give Him our dreams, even the broken ones, the VERY best is yet to come."
I know this is a very difficult time for your son, for you, and for your husband as well as many others, but what you have written above is true and worthy of clinging to.
All of you have been, and will continue to be, in my prayers.
Sometimes we just have to move on and move past failure. We try so hard to fix things but sometimes they just are not fixable. God knows what He wants for your son and it was not what was in that old house. Wherever the new house ends up and whoever he shares it with down the road; it will be of God's doing and He will bless it and in turn make your son forget this most terrible of all years as he walks in newness of life in a new home yet to be. Tell him I am praying for him.
Your story is heart wrenching and your son, you, and husband remain in my prayers. As difficult to write this blog, thank you for reminding each of us as we face our broken dreams ... God is bigger and still in control.