For nearly seven months, things have been rather difficult for me emotionally. I won't go into detail but it was like there was one upheaval after another and truthfully it was during that time that I experienced emotional pain like I had never experienced before. Just a few short weeks ago I would suddenly fall flat on the floor only able to utter a strangled cry out to God. When I would get up, my husband and I would cling desperately to one another and with tears flowing, cry out to God anew. Our hearts had been broken in two by a series of events that were beyond our control. Never have we ever felt so helpless.
It was during one of those moments that I looked at my husband with tear-filled eyes and said, "I don't know if I can ever sing again."
I have always sung. Some of my earliest childhood memories involve singing. When I moved, I sang. I would sing when I played. I loved to sing as I soared through the air on a swing. When the engine started and the car started moving, that was a signal for me to start singing. I was always singing. While I am not quite as spontaneous as when I was a child, I still do. LOL! I was even singing when I was in ICU a few years ago.
When I told my husband that I did not know if I could ever sing again, something interesting happened. I started to sing. My voice was trembling and broken. The tears were flowing down my face but I was singing. Earlier that morning, I had written these words to a friend:
The light is just peeping over the horizon and on cue, a chickadee has started to sing. As I listen to its song, I am reminded of The God Who Loves Us And Turns Our Darkness Into Light.
I am reminded that the song God has placed in our hearts is the song that nothing can stifle or destroy. It is the song that never ends. Why? Because it comes from God and God alone.
And I am sure The Father in great joy attends to your songs to Him. You are in my thoughts and prayers knowing you are singing and making a joyful noise unto the Lord!
I love to sing and write, but lately I have felt the same way..I don't want to sing and I do not feel like writing because I feel so broken down.
I know now that things WILL get better! I just have to keep relying on Him! Im so glad you had that experience! It gives me hope!niki
K, You've been on my heart for several months now, and I see now why; because I can't tell you the times that your name really stood out to me to pray for when I've prayed for ChristianBlog members in my morning and evening prayers.
Thank you for sharing this personal struggle, because I know the turmoil of "emotional pain" as well as physical pain; it is daunting when it's at its worst. But GOD has always come through. Sometimes our battles seem as though there is no end in sight, or seem as though we just get through one crisis only to find ourselves in another; emotionally and physically weakening us beyond anything we could imagine.
But these are the times, as you know, that God is working things out for us and for His glory and in due time... they will pass.
Love and Blessings to You. You too, Niki! I'm praying for you too.
I know that feeling so very well. Though it was not singing, it was praying. I love to pray for people. I have loved to pray for many people for a long time. But during the dark days last fall, when Kirk lay unconscious with a ventilator down his throat, hovering so close to death... I found I could not pray, not properly. All I could say over and over and over, was "Father please heal my Honey, please heal my Kirkus." No other words would come. I am crying now, just remembering. But. But God had His people surrounding me - you drove 500 miles to be with me, ... God brought us both through to joy. ..and back to ...singing... literally or figuratively.
You sing like a bird. .. and I am glad you have your voice back. HE carries us through, no matter how dark the dark night of the soul
I remember standing near you on Christmas Eve and being utterly melted by your incredible voice as we sang together. I never knew what a beautiful voice you have. I cannot believe you don't sing solos at church or make a CD of some kind. Anyway, I am blessed you got your song back just in time for spring.