Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. Psalm 73:25-26 (NLT)
As I pondered these words this morning, I could not help but reflect upon the most difficult days I have faced. I am blessed in that I have had far more good days than bad and in between those days there have been thousands of ordinary days.
As of this writing, I have lived 21,080 days and at least 3,170 of those days have been what I call my "bonus days" because instead of dying on a cold December night, God declared that my story in this world had not yet ended.
I have thought about death a great deal over the past 10 and a half years. During that time my health failed and yes, my spirit grew weak at times. Without a doubt it has been the most difficult period of my life and yet it has been the most blessed. Why? Because over and over again, in my darkest moments, even as I faced uncertainty and possibly death, I came to understand more deeply the love, mercy, grace and faithfulness of God.
It is because of those experiences that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is my healer. I know that God is my provider. I know that God is my deliverer, my rescuer and that there is no pit too deep nor too dark for him to reach into and pluck me out of. I know that God is my strength and even when I am completely helpless both physically, mentally and emotionally, he tenderly cares for me. I know these things not because I have merely been told it is true. I have been tested and proven them true in my own life.
He breathes life and hope into me, driving away fear and despair. God is the strength of my heart.
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Scripture quotation taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois, 60188. All rights reserved.
yes. amen. but why, I ask Him, why does He sometimes not heal and allow the enemy to win and kill off one of God's own. Why? Why did He allow it?