This blog was first published here at CB a few days after my first chemo infusion which was on February 29, 2008. Due to the aggressive nature of my tumor, I had what is known as dose-dense chemotherapy meaning that I had it every two weeks rather than every three weeks. Not all chemo is alike. While many people can continue to work while going through chemo depending on their form of treatment and type of job, I could not.
What I could do was drag myself here to CB, write a few blogs and be ministered to as well. Truly CB was and continues to be a part of God turning my darkness into light!
Whew! It got pretty stormy for a bit! God has been faithful, however. Isn't it good that he is always faithful even when we're not!
Going through chemo is like have a bomb go off in your body, a natural disaster hit and devastate your town...you get the idea. There are "billions" of casualties at the cellular level and the incredible army which diligently protects you day by day is just not penetrated like when you normally become ill; it suffers devastating losses at once and gets cut down dramatically. Then, 24 hours later, while those white blood cells are "staggering about in shock" and attempting to rebuild the army, viciously "paratroopers" called Neulasta drop in unexpectedly and begin to bully the white blood cells into working harder than they ever dreamed possible. There's no time to lick your wounds and do business as usual. There are enemies waiting to attack at any moment and we have to be ready for them. So what if you're tired, you've got to get moving now or the enemy will overtake you
I learned that accelerated production of white blood cells can cause your bones to hurt and make you physically sick. This was worse than the chemo itself. Ironically, this is a good sign, however. It means my body is rebuilding it's natural defenses. It means:
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.
We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. 2 Corinthians 4:8-11
Just think! God can take this ragged little boat and use it for his honor and glory! What a privilege! This little boat may be ragged and beat up but I am declaring that I, the passenger, am rejoicing that Jesus Christ is in command of this little ship and he will bring me safely into the Father's arms when the appointed time comes and not a moment before.
May all of us allow God to have complete control over our little boat...even when he drives us into the storm. May we trust in him so that we might rise up to any challenge that is before us so that we will one day all together before the King!
I'll be praying for you trhough this time! God is our strength!
As I was watching the sky turn light this morning, I thought about this blog I wrote four days after my first chemo infusion back in 2008. Regardless of what sort of storm you are facing, always remember that He is with you every step of the way and He will safely bring you through it!