It came sneaking up on me again this evening magnified by the long-term side-effects of chemo. Women with natural mood swings/PMS have NOTHING compared to a woman who had a triple-negative tumor and was ravaged by chemo which wrecks havoc amd turns women inside out and upside down. There is a reason my husband keeps a supply of truffles on hand :wink:
God, in His mercy, suggested to my husband that tonight would be a good night for him to work late on a editing project he has been putting off. I called him a few minutes ago because I couldn't find those truffles. When he heard my voice on the other end he could detect the situation immediately. "Ewww... I'm glad I'm not home!" slipped out before he could stop it. He quickly changed that to "You'll find them hidden under... Did you find them? Did you find them?" He wanted to make sure I found one and it had time to take effect before he got home.
I'm staring at a clementine chocolate truffle 85%, waiting for it to reach room temperature. I feel a bit better just looking at it and smelling it.
I hate this roller coaster of ups and downs. It is getting a bit better. It really is but those sudden dives are tough. Real tough.
I finger the card I pulled from the promise box I'd given my grandmother a few years ago. My mother gave it to me after my grandmother's death. I'd seen it sitting there in my bedroom and knew I needed I needed one of God's "truffles" from His Word far more than I needed a chocolate one.
When I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me. Micah 7:8
I may be riding on this post-chemo roller coaster which is my "new normal", but I am not riding it alone. Jesus rides right there along side me. It doesn't matter how dark it is around me. It does not matter what I feel like or what my body is or is not doing. It doesn't matter if my family and friends are around me or not. He is with me EVERYWHERE...even in the darkness.
Okay, I'm not waiting any longer for that truffle...oh yeah! Chocolate is truly a gift from God!
With tears streaming down my face all I can offer you is a big cyber HUG. You are so right --even if the whole world forsakes us He is always there. I've never been through chemo -- but I've sure been in that darkness.
Lifting you up in prayer.
Oh drats, I had such a nice and clever comment written and it got lost in cyberspace. I hate it when that happens.
Anyway, I do know that not only do you have Jesus riding with you but us too! We are on that roller coaster all the way whether its going up or down. That is what brothers and sisters in the Lord are all about.
I do hope and pray your truffle helped and although I know nothing about chemo or truffles, I do know that the love of God can smooth over even the toughest of times and that love manifested by dear friends can make that coaster start going up again real soon. Here's praying yours does!
I've got tears streaming down my face right now. This is sooooooo true! I could truly relate to Florence Bulle even though I have gone through nearly what she has experienced. I want to do life with God regardless of what life looks like! If He is on a dark path, that's where I want to be for then I will be with Him!
That commentary blessed me so much I am going to attempt to do a link to your comment in my survivors of chronic illness group.
@ Poo and B2Y,
Thank you also for your comments. You both reminded me that I am NOT walking this path alone.
Thank you, my dear friends!
Hah! Who do you think taught B2Y how to do it? I will only say her name begins with K and ends with :wink:
Seriously, thank you for posting that beautiful song. I remember it well. It was true back when I was a young girl and it was first written, it is true today and it will forever remain true!
Blessings, dear friend!
K, I am scared of roller coasters, their height scares me and their sudden downward plunge terrifies more than that word which begins with C and ends with T BUT I will step onto it with you if need be.
I too am so tahnkful for chocolate.
This is my first comment and yours was the first post that I read on this site. I can't tell you how gut-wrenching, but necessary it was for me to read your post. My mother fought breast cancer for 8 years while I was growing up, but I never could tell how she really felt. I know that she wanted to protect me and my siblings from her pain, but now that she's gone, there are so many questions I have about her battle and the experience she went through for all those years. Of course I don't know you, but I am so thankful for and astonished by your openness and honesty. You have truly made a difference to me! Thank you, Kathryn
Just because I'm building K'Nex roller coasters this summer does not mean I love to ride them so we are alike.
Before I got married, my husband and I were with a lot of people... a lot of people ... down at Six Flags in Atlanta. He finally persuaded me to go on a roller coaster (can't remember it's evil name as that was over 30 years ago). Anyway, the group ahead of us got on and I watched as the car moved up the incline and stopped. It wasn't supposed to stop. As I watched that, something in me snapped and I tried to bolt. There was no way I was going to get into that thing even if it did move on after a few minutes and they claimed it was fixed.
Unfortunately all the people with me, including my husband, thought I was joking. I was not. I even tried to slip through the railings but it was jammed with people and the people beside and behind me were all people we knew. Yes, I did get "bullied" on that day. Yes, my husband did apologize to me later. As I said, it was so completely out of character for me that he, along with everyone else thought I was joking. Everything went fine... as far as the roller coaster was concerned, but you will not find me fist in line to get on one!
to CB! May you be as blessed here as I have been!
I'm so sorry about your mom. It is hard when a parent has cancer. My dad was diagnosed with colon cancer when I was 14. He fought that battle for two years. The memory of his battle certainly did not make things easier for me in many respects. Actually, the treatment hastened his death. He had to have an emergency surgery and radiation had taken it's toll...his body could not heal. This haunted me from time to time during my own chemo/radiation treatment which was from February 29-August 20, 2008. I blogged about it the whole time and tried to be pretty open about what was going on.
It is often gut-wrenching for me, but I do it for people like you. Thank you so much for letting me know "the gut-wrenching" is not for nothing!
I'm not allowed to put all the smilies I want :wink:, so ....
150,368,791,520,754,290,999,180,463 x infinity!