The other day, my husband and I were visiting friends who live in Kentucky. We have not seen these friends in three years. Though they were aware of my health issues, they had not heard me tell the story in person of what happened to me on December 10, 2009. They wanted to hear the tale from my own lips.
As I recounted my experience, sharing what I remembered, my voice trembled for a moment and then I became silent for a few minutes. My friends waited patiently and then leaned forward intently listening as I resumed my story.
"I felt nothing. I know this may not make much sense but there was nothing. I became aware that there were no thoughts going through my mind. There was a silence. I mean... dead silence. I had this sense, rather than thought, that I should pray but when I tried to form words in my mind nothing happened. There was nothingness. Something within me that I did not understand was broken, disconnected, unplugged.
I felt no fear. I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Suddenly, it was as if a curtain was ripped aside and I, who was not much aware of anything, suddenly realized that it was God. Though I was unable to think, pray or communicate with God in any way, He was still there and very much aware of me.
He "stepped down" to where I was and I felt Him "breath" the words, "I am with you." over me. Nothing externally changed. I was still lying there with a broken brain. I still could not interact with the world around me. No person could reach me. I still could not "think" in the way we think of thinking. I still had no emotions and seemed to be in "nothingness" and yet I was aware that God was there... even in the nothingness... and I was safe."
Who am I that God should focus His attention intently upon me and step down to where I was laying helpless and broken? I am the apple of His eye, hidden safely in the shelter of His wings... and so are you.
Wow!! I can't imagine...I had a nephew die at 14 and as he was passing, my aunt said that he was turned away from her and his mouth was moving as if he was talking to someone she believes the Lord came for Him or sent an angel to guide him home... I am so very THANKFUL that this was NOT your experience...but your experience and the one I heard from my aunt makes me think that we must really see or sense God with us during those darkest moments...I always think of God being on the other end of "the tunnel"...not walking with us along the way. To think that you had His sense about you when your brain was traumatized is incredible. I am so moved by that experience..I will be thinking on that awhile I appreciate your sharing it with us!
I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets
of footprints in the sand,
one belonging to me
and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
There was only one set of footprints.
I realized that this was at the lowest
and saddest times of my life.
This always bothered me
and I questioned the Lord
about my dilemma.
“Lord, you told me when I decided to follow You,
You would walk and talk with me all the way.
But I'm aware that during the most troublesome
times of my life there is only one set of footprints.
I just don't understand why, when I needed You most,
You leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child,
I love you and will never leave you
never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints
it was then that I carried you.”
Margaret Fishback Powers