The mood in the room was very somber and quiet. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion except for my thoughts and emotions. The thoughts were flying so fast that I could scarcely focus on one before it was replaced by another. As for my emotions, they flitted between disbelief, fear, anxiety and even anger. I didn't belong here! This was not a part of "The Plan" but I still found myself on this table, the last place I wanted to be.
I felt fully exposed that day. I was unable to cover up or hide. Correction. I had voluntarily put myself into this position though everything within my being screamed at me to shove the people in the room away from me, grab my things and run. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to do this! I wanted to run, I wanted to hide, I wanted to be left alone. Why did they have to find this in the first place? I had been fine. I had been perfectly fine. At least... I seemed to be perfectly well until that terrible day when what had been hidden had been revealed.
It had to be revealed. To have remained hidden would have meant certain and premature death. I knew that but despite that knowledge, lying there and having a piece of me removed did not make it any easier.
Suddenly, a gentle hand touched me and I looked into a pair of sad, kind and compassionate eyes. They belonged to my radiologist. She told me that although she couldn't be 100% sure yet, just the type of tumor it was meant I had cancer.
Before I could even process what she said, her grip on me tightened.
"I want you remember something. If it is cancer, we have found it and now we can try to do something about it!"
She was right. I probably had a deadly disease within me but this disease, this cancer, was no longer hidden. As painful as the knowledge of this tumor was, that knowledge, that revelation of it was necessary in order to cut it out and treat me aggressively in an attempt to save my life. That was over eight years ago and today I am still cancer-free.
Many times God must reveal "tumors" in our lives. These are often small things, weaknesses, habits and so forth that we tend to overlook. Sometimes God must take drastic measures to call these things to our attention and when He does it hurts. We don't want to believe we have these things, these little cancers so to speak, lurking about in a dark and dusty corner of our heart but there it is.
When these things are brought to our attention, we can do one of several things. First of all, we can go into denial and pretend it is not there. When we do this, the situation will not get better. It will become worse and if we are not careful, it will eventually grow to the point that it will influence everything we think, do and say until it eventually destroys us. Another option is to accept it but refuse the prescribed course of treatment and attempt to treat it ourselves.
Sometimes we realize we can't treat it but we don't like the prescribed treatment so we will search until we find someone who prescribes a more appealing treatment that doesn't involve anything uncomfortable. We don't seem to realize that radical treatment is required to eradicate sin in our heart and constant follow-up care and screening is required for the rest of our lives in order to stay spiritually healthy.
Other times, it will grieve us. We didn't want it to be there but it is there and to make matters worse, it is our fault that we allowed it to come in the first place. However, after the initial shock, we are thankful that the problem was revealed. We don't have to allow it to take control over us. Instead we can take the necessary steps to remove it, get healed and take steps to try to prevent this from happening again.
It is always painful when God reveals the things in our lives that don't belong there but when He does, we must remember that He does so because He loves us, not because He wants to hurt us. When we submit ourselves to His care and follow His instructions we will become spiritually healthy and we will thrive. If we don't, well... instead of beating ourselves up, we need to be thankful that God does not allow the things that do not belong in our life to hide. He brings them to the surface, reveals them and then something can be done about it.
You're just right. Amen.
"It is always painful when God reveals the things in our lives that don't belong there but when He does, we must remember that He does so because He loves us, not because He wants to hurt us. When we submit ourselves to His care and follow His instructions we will become spiritually healthy and we will thrive.'