Who Am I?

Today from out of nowhere came a backache. Every few years I experience a pain in my hip from a very old injury but this was not that old familiar pain. This was something different. Every cancer survivor knows that any unexpected aches and pains can send all sorts of warning signals racing through your mind. What caused it? Is it a tumor? :eek:

Now I've been writing some blogs lately on following Jesus wherever He leads and trusting Him no matter what. So of course, it is only to be expected that something like this pops up. I had been battling fear earlier as I'm getting ready for a screening and an oncologist visit the middle of June. This always has a tendency to make cancer patients just a tad bit nervous. Rather than let things fester and grow, I hollered for some friends right away who were equally quick in racing to my side with their prayers and words of wisdom, assurance and comfort. God moved and fear was struck down as I declared that I was in God's hands and I wanted to follow Him wherever He led be it sunny or dark paths. Praise God, Jesus is Victor!

Tonight, fear tried to sneak up and whisper in my ear. I was talking to my husband as we drove home from meeting with some friends and he suddenly heard my voice change. He knew what was happening. He'd seen it before. He reached over and simply closed his hand over mine. He waited. Tears filled my eyes and the words fear had thrown at me came bubbling out. He squeezed my hand and waited. He is good at waiting. My voice trembled as I began to pray. Father-God, I know I should trust you and I am trying to do so but sometimes... it is hard. I want to follow you know matter what. Please remember that I am trying to be brave. And suddenly I knew that God knew I was. He knew it and His compassion embraced me. I'm broken in body but God still wants me anyway. When the going gets tough He provides a way for me to get carried. He always does.

As I thought about His great love and compassion, the words to this beautiful old song went through my mind. It was a song my mother and her sisters used to sing. Later, I would pick it out on the piano myself. The name of the song is Who Am I written by Rusty Goodman in 1965.
When I think of how He came so far from Glory,
Came and dwelt among the lowly such as I;
To suffer shame and such disgrace,
On Mount Calvary take my place;
Then I ask myself the question, "Who am I?"

Who am I that a King would bleed and die for?
Who am I that He would pray: "Not my will, thine for?"
The answer I may never know,
Why He ever loved me so;
That to an old rugged cross He would go,
For who am I?

Then I'm reminded of the words,
"I'll leave thee never,
Just be true, I'll give to you a life forever."
Then I wonder what I could have done,
To deserve God's only Son;
To fight my battles till they're won,
O, Who am I?

Who am I that a King would bleed and die for?
Who am I that He would pray: "Not my will, thine for?"
The answer I may never know,
Why He ever loved me so;
That to an old rugged cross He would go,
(To an old rugged cross He would go)
To an old rugged cross He would go,
For who am I?

I don't have to understand why He loves me. I just have to accept that He does, praise God, He does and I am His :princess: tucked away safely in His hands...no matter what!

Blessings!

K :princess:

@cowgirldiva
·

No matter what is right! Sometimes I think we forget this aspect. Thank you!

@bethy
Joyce Bethy Ferguson @bethy ·

:cry::pray:
always.. beth

@savedbyegrace
Linda Young @savedbyegrace ·

I have felt that fear wash over me, though mine wasn't about cancer.

Praying for you, :princess:

:heart:

Do not include honorifics.
@kreynolds

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