Depression is one of the hardest demons to try to deal with, but I think you need to understand that there is no shame in what you are going through. What I do think that you need to think about dealing with are the issues that have allowed this demon in your life. You are not talking about the real issues that you are ashamed of just as you are not using your true name. I do not know if you are doing this because you don't know how to deal with them, or that you fear rejection... or both. I do know that you cannot deal with your fears or your depression until you quit trying to hide from them. Talk with your doctor, your friends, or with us, your brothers and sisters about the hurts, pains, and fears that you are dealing with... honestly and openly so that we can help.
I am not trying to be mean or cold to you about this. I hid from my pain, hurt, and fears for years. I wore masks to conceal how I really felt, and not many truly understand how insecure I truly was. I tried to hide from it through sex, drugs, and alcohol. I did everything I could to make myself feel normal, and to be accepted. When God found me... when I finally totally surrendered control of my life over to Him, I was in the process of committing suicide. -And I wasn't even doing that honestly! I was cloaking it in terms of I was doing what was best for my family, and it would be easier on them if I were no longer around. It was all a lie! -I was even lying to myself!
Clinic depression that must be controlled by drugs is nothing to be made light of. I do not believe that there is a magical pill that will heal you, but I do believe that Jesus can if you will allow him. Right now, your unbelief is what is keeping Christ from helping you. When you fall on your knees, do not cry that you are unworthy... none of us were worthy, but Christ went to the Cross for us anyway. What you need to do now, is be willing to accept that He loves you just as you are. When you fall on your knees get past that and start telling Him the hurts and fears that are in your deepest heart. Bringing them out of the darkness is the first step to healing because the sickness of sin cannot live in the Light. They feed on your shame and guilt.
We are here to listen to you, uplift you, encourage you, but most of all to pray for you in your dark hours. Talk to us, tell us your concerns, and what you need prayer for... and you can believe that we will be doing just that.
Know that even as you read this, you are being lifted up in prayer!
Emmett Alan - a past sinner without equal..