This morning mom lost it. (mom being me)Sometimes, our little blessings have a way of finding that last nerve we have and stomping on it. Most days when this happens, when I feel a scream coming on, I can put myself in a timeout. Maybe just a few moments in my bedroom, or the bathroom, or even the closet. These few minutes help me toregain my composure. I can be the person I want my children to see: patient, kind, loving, happy. But, sadly, today was not such a day. It was a crazy, chaotic morning of clothes that didn't fit right, socks that were missing, hair that simply had too many snarls, noses that would not stop running, and a toddler who I couldn't please no matter how hard I tried. We finally got ourselves loaded in the minivan, late of course, and everyone is still screaming and crying. This is when I lost it. I let out a very loud scream, something to effect of "mommy's going to go crazy" and instantly everyone was silent, and a bit frightened... ... . Mom is not supposed to lose it... ... But she did... ...
We all lose it, no matter how hard we strive to be that virtuous person we envision in our mind, there are just moments when we break. I think this is just part of being human, part of being a mother. We're not and never will be perfect. After my scream, I looked at my two frightened girls and thought about the example I had just set for them. Not good. Then, after a long breath, I looked at my 9 year old and told her I was sorry for the way I acted. I asked her to forgive me. We talked about the crazy morning leading up to mom's moment of crazy and talked about ways we could prepare in the evenings so the morning wouldn't get so out of control. After the bad, and after the forgiveness, we had a few moments of brainstorming, bonding if you will. And, Although the toddler is a bit small to understand everything, I also apologized to her, she is old enough to know mommy said she was sorry and I think that's really all that matters. Maybe moments like these are moments we can use to show our children that even mom and dad fail, sometimes we fall. Maybe these moments, if handled correctly, can teach our children the Profound concept of forgiveness.
There couldn't be a more perfect time of year to discuss forgiveness with our children. To demonstrate forgiveness in our daily interactions. For Jesus, on the cross, gave us the ULTIMATE lesson in forgiveness."Father forgive them for they know not what they do"Luke 23:34
I try so hard, every single day to be the "perfect" mom and wife. But most days I miss something, forget something, or overlook something. The beauty of this life in Christ is that I know I am forgiven. I know that even in their most disappointed moments my kids, my husband, see all the positive I do.I know that they understand that I can't do it all perfectly, noone can.Like Christ, I know they love me for who I am. The mom who is always looking for her keys, the mom who doesn't make the pancakes fluffy enough, the mom who has (once in awhile) lost the field trip form. But I'm mom, and they love me, accept me, and forgive me, just as I am. Just as Christ does.
"If you forgive those who sin against you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins."Matthew 6:14-15
How well I know that feeling! I may only be a mom of one (who is now all grown-up) but I also was a teacher for more than 20 years (toddler age-6th grade over the years) so I know that feeling I used to get when there were 25 little bees swarming around me, buzzing about how they needed/wanted that, what someone did or did not do, what should they do next, what they can't find, are they doing it right and so forth. It can be overwhelming and there are times when... eek! Your frustration explodes and you are staring at silent faces with wide, puzzled eyes. Sometimes they are even tear-filled ones, eh?
Like you, I would then have to say, "I'm sorry" and in doing so, like you said, it was not only good for me, it was a good lesson for them. Regardless of who we are, we need to learn to say, "I'm sorry."