Today I'm reflecting on how much I've learned as a mother over the last 15 years. How far I have come, and how far I have to go. And most importantly, how I find it easier and easier to put my "mom worries" in God's hands.
I think for the most part, the worries of a mom are much different than those of a father. We, as moms, spend a good deal of time stressing about things that are beyond our control. And why? It must be one of our earthly flaws that make it difficult to rest in Him, (sometimes rest at all) knowing full-well He will sort everything out.
Unfortunately, I have always been one of those people who cares too much about what other people think, especially when I was younger. As I age, I have learned to find contentment in who I am, who God made me. I have learned that I have no one to compete with other than myself. But still, when you have children, and you watch them hurt it is challenging as a mother to just let it go . With my first, my son, I spent a good dealof time concerned that he didn't fit in to the "cool" crowd.The kids he chose to hang out with were all a bit different, but he was always happy with who he was, and always comfortable with his friends. He was and still is a very confident young man. As he is growing into a teenager and a young man (now 15) I am impressed by his dedication to his faith and commitments like his youth group. He plays the guitar and he has helped me start a kid's gospel band at our church. I'm just learning how to play mandolin so he has to help momtoo! Even though he was okay with things, his confidence didn't stop me from worrying about him. About simple things like not getting much play time on the basketball team or not getting invited to the birthday party all the other kids were going to. My first husband and I did not have a very good relationship, there was a definite lack of communication, so I carried a lot of this burden on my own shoulders. When I was younger, I had a hard time giving it to God. But, four years ago I got to marry a man who I can tell all my deepest secrets too, my worries, and my cares. We spend a lot of nights in bedtalking about how I'm worried about things, what I'm stewing about, and most times he tells me Nancy, you're worrying too much about something that's beyond your control . Men think a lot different than women and I believe most dads don't hold on to worries, stresses, and angers as long as moms do. What a perfect design for a man and wife to balance one another. I am grateful for him, he grounds me, he helps me to cast my cares upon God.
So now on to the story which made me realize my personal growth and my strengthened relationship with God! My daughter had a friend over after school on Friday. This is a lifetime friend, they attended daycare together since toddlerhood. But, unfortunately, they have turned into much different girls (they are now 10).The girls and I were sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner and talking about girl things and my daughters friend began to go into detail about how she's probably one of the "coolest" kids in theirclass, she also when on to inform me that my daughter wasn't really one of the "cool" kids. She went on to say that she was even a little embarrassed to get off the bus with my daughter because she wasn't one of those "cool" kids.Now I'm not going to say I didn't see red for a minute, or two, or maybe three. I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind but I think I did a pretty good job of hiding them. (Here's where the growth part comes in) When I laid down that night, I didn't worry about the situation. I'm still not stressed about it today. I know God has put my daughter right where he wants her to be. He made her perfectly, and if that means she's not "cool", better yet!! His designis impeccable. That conversation on Friday is a perfect topic starter for mewith my daughter. For topics such as self-esteem, toxic friends, and most importantly about God's love. We have a date day planned this week and I am excited to go to dinner and have a much-needed conversation about how God made her perfect no matter what anyone says. If not for this firend, I may have never realized there was a need for such conversation. I cannot wait to compliment her on the awesome Christian girl she is, and how very proud of her I am!!
I'm not saying I don't worry, and by no means do I always find it simple to let go of the things that are burdening me, but I do find that the more I do it, the easier it gets.
Cast your burden on theLord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22
Oh, I love that you are doing this with your daughter. My mother tried to do that with me and my brother and I did that with my own son. Part of being the parent of a teenager is learning to listen more than you talk. I'm having to remember that with my adult son, especially when I have not been happy about some choices he has made. I mentioned one time that something made me feel like I hadn't done my job and he was surprised at that. In all seriousness he told me that I did. It was not my fault that he chose to veer from the path and in fact, it was because I HAD done my job that he has turned toward the right path once again. Wow.
No, we can't protect our children from making poor choices or wandering off but we can entrust them to God and seek his help in raising them.
I work with an organisation that has 100 girls meeting together on a Friday night. These girls range in age from 4-18 . let me tell you there are too many of them who are like your daughters friend . She will need someone like your daughter to keep her feet on the ground, otherwise your daughter will get tired of her friend and find someone who is more genuine. Kids are wise, they know who is good for them and who is not.
have a wonderful date with your daughter , I am in no doubt she knows where her true worth lies but it is good to remind our kids every so often.