I've been married twice now...I am the least likely to be divorced even once let alone twice...and I feel like an outcast. So where do divorce es fit in? For example the blog categories on this site have a Married Only category, but why not a Divorced Only? The last Baptist Church I went to didn't exactly shun divorce es, but forever hearing about husbands and wives with valentine day banquets, couples retreats, special speakers on "the family." Where does that leave a divorced woman that divorced the father of her children because of drugs, abuse, and "bad publications"? Someone that told two boys under 11 that you discipline a disobedient woman after hitting me? Someone that left his wife and children for over a week to teach her a lesson for saying something to the pastor of their church in confidence about the abuse she was suffering? I know the Biblical views: "Most evangelical scholars, churches and members (including divorced ones), agree on the following points: 1) Marriage is ordained by God as a lifelong monogamous union of male and female. 2) Singleness is not ideal, but is honorable, as shown by Jesus' example, and God calls some Christians to it for the sake of his kingdom (Mt.19:10ff, 1 Cor.7:2635). 3) The Scriptures forbid Christians to divorce. 4) Divorce was permitted in Israel to control its practice, because the people rejected God's standards. 5) Divorce in Israel was instituted by man but regulated by God. 6) The intention was not to condone divorce, not even for adultery. The only exception-the demand of an unsaved spouse (1 Cor.7: 15). 7) Divorce is forgivable like every other sin. 8) Christians who divorce contrary to Christ's command (Mt. 19: 19) are to remain unmarried or seek reconciliation (1 Cor.7:10, 11), even if the partner is not a believer." I can see now many years later that the path I chose vs. staying in the abusive environment the children and I were in has made night and day difference in their lives. A positive difference for their lives and somewhat a positive in mine as I don't have to be treated with total disrespect day after day, but this really is a very pointless life for the most part. It just seems so unfair, but I know that life isn't .... fair. So what's a Christian to do? "Where the Divorced Get More than Sympathy: An innovative small-groups ministry for a neglected group of people." is an article by John J. Van der Graaf ( that sounds like just the "ticket" so to speak...The first paragraph of the article is as follows: "Late one July afternoon, as another recently divorced woman left my office wiping tears from her eyes, it struck me that people like her really had no place of their own-particularly in church. They didn't fit in single's groups comprised mainly of young adults never married. They didn't feel fully accepted in the church's family activities. In the one place people come to seek support and solace, divorced people continued to feel lonely, rejected, and forgotten." I need the wisdom, courage, and direction to find one of these groups....
I once took a course in Mathamatics called Equivalent Systems, where you compare two models and try to fix one with the other. Now Jesus said that you are to love your neighbor as yourself. You know what the word of God says about divorce and about adultery in proverbs 5, it's not good to do either because God all-knowing knows best, even if we want to be practical, and 'realistic' or even 'modern'.
But somewhere in Eccliastes the preacher king Solomon, the wisest man alive, cept' Jesus, said that we are not to be over-righteous or over wicked, do not try to make divorce a career, do not test God. But it says, do not be over-righteous why should you destroy yourself before the time. God doesn't not allow a person to destroy himself for another, you are to love yourself as you do your neighbor or vice versa, equal.
You have a husband who abuses you or your children, put him in jail or in the hospital, that's why we have laws and human laws the bible respects, they are instituted by God to keep order. But before all that do all that you can for your neighbor, proverbs. But if yelling comes to shove, you know what you have to do and you must waver, so others can take admonition. Because the sentence on those that do evil is not executed expediently, the sons of men are set to do evil. Eccliastes.
You do not hate your husband when you commit them to Jail or the hospital, you love your wife if you bring her or him to get some help. It's a tough traumatic issue. So talk it out with your spouse and spell out the consequence for undersirable and dangerous behavior and warn two or three times, if not response, you are not held liable to continue in that marriage, God created marriage for love and concern and not for a concentration camp.
May you be blessed. Amen.
You should never stay in an abusive relationship. That is not from God.
I don't know if this will help but I've attended more than one church that would not allow divorced people to do all kinds of things in the church, even work in the nursery, because they believed that person was living in sin somehow.
However, we now go to a church where the pastor and his wife are both divorced from other people and have been married to each other for four years. I've never blinked an eye that it might be wrong because I know that the Lord doesn't remember our pasts, He only sees our today.
I have to agree with you on the state of our churches.
Unless one"slots"into the perfect family mould there seems to be no space for the lonely, single etc in churches.
The problem i believe comes from the fact that some churches are now run by the people for the people.
i have seen churches ask families to keep special needs kids at home because the church will not provide a slot for them.
i hae seen churches ask single parents to keep away with their babies because it gives the church a bad name.
We have given the church a bad name. And i pray that God forgives us.
but to say that your "life is pointless for the most part" is not true sweetheart. you are a child of the king, created in his image and saved for his glory.
Whats a christian to do? take it to the cross and lay it down!
Your in his love
Why so many churches single out divorce is beyond me, it is like you have the scarlet letter on your forehead, your "sin" is plain while all the other people around you may have a whole myriad of secret sins that are not made public.
It is washed by the blood. Plain and simple it is washed by the blood of Jesus.
I agree with Bethy's statement:
[quote]life is pointless for the most part" is not true sweetheart. you are a child of the king, created in his image and saved for his glory. Whats a christian to do? take it to the cross and lay it down! [/quote]
God has a purpose for you, no life is a mistake, no life is pointless. What we have is a case of the law verses the grace of God. Embrace the grace of God, know deep down to the very core of your being that He loves you, so very much that His own Son died on your behalf. Let that take hold and live to please God alone, and not man.
Love your sister in Christ,
I totally agree that a woman should never stay in an abusive relationship. Sad to say that many, many people men and women (including Christians) categorize abuse with bruises only from being grabbed not constituting abuse, just from right out being hit as abuse. Women need to realize that there is no need to waste your life and your children's hoping and praying year in and year out for someone to change the whole while being a doormat and enabling the abuser.
There are opinions as far as the left is to the right in regard to life after divorce....I don't believe that a divorced person should be able to be a preacher...the bible is pretty plain about that I think...not that they can't teach a Sunday school class or lead Bus Ministries, etc...but the Bible says the husband of one wife...that's my paraphrase...as far as being the pastor. Okay...no problem...but I've had a pastor's wife tell me that second marriages are never as good as the first. What? Not having to be humiliated day in and day out wouldn't take a whole lot to be better than that type of first marriage.
I feel that I have taken it to the cross and laid it down. I'm sure I'll get the response that I've picked it back up again then. No..but I think more than anything what makes it just so fresh or it affects my life so much is that because of staying in that mess and not doing anything about it until I was almost 40 getting three degrees to Master level since won't do a darn thing for a 54 year old woman. Now had I just went to college right out of high school the way my folks had planned for me instead of listening to the ex I would more than likely not be in the low income bracket and struggling check to check at an age I had assumed I would be retired at. That's what makes it hard to forget and move on...I know it is. Age discrimination is apparent internally and externally and I've applied for close to 74 jobs to hear absolutely nothing. Well I take that back..I did interview for an internal entry level management position and they gave the job to a gal with less than two years at the company and a BA in journalism...I have a BS in Management and Communications and a Masters in Business Administration and almost 18 years at the company. So all I do is work my tail off and its a struggle.
I know I'm a child of God a King...when I'm really down I have to ask why does He treat me this way then? My whole stinkin life just struggle struggle struggle. Yikes. I do have an interview Tuesday for a Marketing Administrator position in our Government Systems organization...won't be any more money, but maybe I can get in a group that might give better raises...I'm really pretty much just stumbling around anymore trying to figure out if this is really all worth it.