Because of the length of this writing it will be done in two parts.
Words cannot adequately express the overall delight in our God and His ways that I felt as Jesus revealed Himself through this painful death to life experience. The experience was most precious!
On or about November 7, 2001, as I was meditating, I suddenly felt a sharp pain in the very center of the top of my left foot. The pain was concentrated in one small round spot about the size of the tip of a small finger. My thoughts turned to Jesus and nails being driven into His feet. Two evenings later the same thing happened, but this time the sharp pain was concentrated in one small round spot about the size of the tip of a small finger in the very center of the top of my left hand. Again, my thoughts turned to Jesus being nailed to the cross. Each time the concentrated pain lasted about five minutes, and then went away as suddenly as it came.
At the time, I wondered what Jesus was trying to impress upon me. Reflecting upon this, I know He was preparing me for what was ahead. In a very real way, He was signing on to this experience and making sure that I knew He was there with me through the whole experience. I believe this experience serves a good example of Romans 8:28. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."
On November 14, 2001, three of us gathered for our Wednesday morning Bible study. Suddenly, I felt an extremely sharp piercing pain in my left side. It was so intense I could not stay seated. I got up from my chair and went outside to try to walk off the pain. As I was standing in the front yard, I said to God this pain feels like I am being pierced with a spear. My thoughts immediately turned to Jesus and His being pierced with a spear as He hung on the cross. I walked around outside for a few minutes. I just could not walk off the pain. When I went back inside, the other two encouraged me to go to the local medical clinic. One of them drove me there.
A doctor briefly questioned me and told me to wait in an examining room. I could not handle the piercing pain sitting down, so again I tried walking. I walked down the hallway and went out the front door and walked outside for a few minutes. When I went back in, they were ready to check me into the local hospital. I believe the doctor thought the problem was a kidney stone.
For about 3½ hours the pain was extremely intense. A nurse asked me to rank the pain on a scale of 1 to 10. I hesitated. I wanted to blurt out 10, because I had never before, even during childbirth, experienced such piercing pain. But, I said 9. I said 9 because I could not rank or compare the pain to what Jesus bore while going through the immeasurable suffering and death He willingly experienced for us.
After the 3½ hours, I felt pressure as if I needed to have a bowel movement. While trying to relieve the pressure, the piercing pain suddenly dispersed across my abdominal cavity. The nurses struggled to get me back into bed. As I looked at the blood pressure monitor, I noticed that my blood pressure had plummeted. I remember reading 90/37. My hemoglobin plunged too.
The doctor ordered an ultrasound. The results of the ultrasound seemed to indicate something in the center of my chest just below the ribcage. I think everyone was at a loss as to what was going on. The doctor attempted to make arrangements to have me air lifted to Abbott Northwestern Hospital in Minneapolis, but the ceiling was too low for a helicopter to take off. Arrangements were then made for an ambulance to transport me the 60 miles.
Upon arriving in ICU, work began to thicken my blood so that a CAT scan could be done. I was taking a blood thinner because of a stroke I had suffered in February of 2000. Many hours passed. Around 10 p.m., a CAT scan with dye was finally accomplished.
At 4 a.m. on Thursday morning, a young student doctor peaked in around the curtain and discovered I was not asleep. It seemed as if he couldn’t wait to pronounce the news. According to him, things looked very grim. Preliminary results pointed to multiple masses. He told me they were in all likelihood cancerous tumors. The preliminary diagnosis was pancreatic cancer. What this young doctor was announcing was my death sentence. The doctors believed I was dying. They believed I only had two to three weeks left of earthly life.
Until we come to repentance, surrender our self and give control of our life to Jesus Christ, we literally are under a sentence of death. Sin is very much like a cancer. A cancer, the nature to sin, we are actually born with. We would all die of this cancer without the pure blood sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
A few minutes after the young doctor had made this pronouncement; the nurse came in and apologized over and over about what the doctor had told me saying it wasn’t his place or the right time to tell me such news. Here I was, all alone, no family with me, trying to take in what the student doctor had just told me.
However, I definitely was not alone through any of this. I did not cry. I did not seem to be fearful. For about a half hour I thought about dying. Mostly, I felt confused. My thoughts focused on Jesus and on the ministry assignment He had just revealed to me less than three weeks prior to this event. Part of the assignment revelation was to minister to His children, focus on the young for these” little ones” will be” lights” in the darkness, expose the work of Satan, emphasize eternity, evangelistic in nature, far-reaching, five years….
Through the hours of waiting for a guided CAT scan biopsy to be done, Jesus had me hold on to the belief that I still have this assignment to complete for His glory on this earth. He brought a sense of calmness and peace to my soul.
The biopsy was scheduled for 4 p.m. I was calm and ready to face whatever the results were to be. My pastor arrived shortly before I was taken to the CAT scan room. His presence and praying with me were certainly orchestrated by God and just what was needed.
Arriving in the CAT scan room, I was not afraid. The doctor talked with me and referred to a lesion involving the adrenal gland that they were going to snip tissue samples from. What he was telling me sounded different from what the young student doctor blurted out early that morning. As they worked on me, I could hear in the background talk about the samples they were getting being made up of blood and not of tissue. At the end of the biopsy, the doctor told me it was possible these masses were from blood hemorrhages and were not tumors.
Wow, awesome, what a difference 12 hours made. I went from a pronouncement of inescapable death to a pronouncement of LIFE. This whole experience was about the shedding of blood. Continued next week in part 2.
Hi Dorothy, welcome to CB.
What a testimony! I am looking forward to Part 2. Thank you for sharing.. it is great to know that our God lives and knows what is happening to us... and He helps us through the dark patches and prepares us for them even when we did not know it. Praise the Lord.
In order to follow what is being discussed in this writing, please be sure to read the first part above.
The final biopsy results, which were brought to me two days later seemed to confirm that what I had experienced was a rupture resulting in an internal bleed. The multiple masses floating inside my body cavity were coagulated blood and not cancerous tumors. In three days I went from a pronouncement of death to a newness of LIFE.
This whole experience revolved around the shedding of blood! Jesus did not cause the internal bleed, but He definitely used the experience for good. I am still in awe that Jesus allowed me to share in this way a taste of His suffering on the cross.
An important message that can be shared with this experience is the understanding that in order to be a follower of Jesus Christ one must deny self and pick up their cross daily. We must die to self and sin and grab hold of the awesomeness of the righteousness of Jesus.
I was released from the hospital late Saturday afternoon, November 17th, 2001. On Monday, I went in to see the new family doctor who had conducted a physical on me in October at a Mankato, MN clinic. The primary purpose was to set up an appointment for a CAT scan to be done within two weeks of the hospital discharge date.
Following are some of my reactions to my visit to the doctor in Mankato. As I entered the examining room, I felt like I had entered Satan"™s den. The nurse kept saying the name Jesus over and over again in a very irreverent manner. I was struggling with this and about to ask her to quit taking the name of Jesus in vain when she stopped doing it. Then, the doctor came in. His arrogance filled the room. Instead of asking how I was feeling and showing any signs of compassion, his first words were (paraphrased), "you are going to have to decide whether or not I am to be your doctor." Basically, he was upset because instead of making arrangements to be driven to Mankato when I was experiencing the piercing pain in my left side, I agreed to be driven to the local clinic. As I tried to relate what had happened and the results of the biopsy, he began to insist that one of the masses be removed just to be sure I did not have cancer. As I left his office, I really questioned whether or not I could ever go back there again. However, an appointment for a CAT scan did get set up.
Over the next two days, I reviewed in my mind the internal bleed episode and the Mankato doctor's responses. Finally on Wednesday evening, I asked God straight out, "was this experience about sharing some of the pain and suffering of the cross with Jesus?" As I said the last word of this prayer, a pain went across the heel of my left foot. I asked, was that God's answer? My next thought was, do not question God.
This is not the end of the experience. On December 4, I had the follow up CAT scan done. Two days later, I went in to see this same doctor to review the results. Once again, he started insisting that I should have one of the masses removed and tested. He made arrangements for me to see a surgeon to review the CAT scan results.
For the next two days, I wrestled heavily with the thoughts of what I believed God had confirmed and what the doctor wanted to do. Was I to believe God, or was I to allow a surgeon to remove one of the masses. I believed if I allowed the removal of one of the masses I would be doubting God and thus be in a state of defiance to Him. I kept telling myself, if the doctors decided to remove one of the masses, I would refuse to allow them to do so. I wrestled and wrestled with this.
As I was wrestling with this Friday afternoon, I said to myself, I cannot take this anymore. It was about 4 p.m. when I sat down in my recliner and turned to the TBN channel on TV. I do not remember what program was on, but they were praying and saying the name Jesus. I sat back, closed my eyes and started to say Jesus over and over again.
I must interrupt this discussion briefly to share with you another happening that relates to this whole experience. After my rebirth experience in early October, as I was busy doing things around the house day after day, I would at the same time be saying I love you God, I love you Father. But, each time when I tried to say, I love you Jesus, there was something I can best describe as a sense of a barrier existing between Jesus and me. I could not understand this. It did not make sense.
As I was saying the name Jesus over and over again on that Friday afternoon, I literally felt the barrier being lifted from me. Jesus totally removed the barrier. From that moment on, I could tell Jesus, I love you. I love you Jesus with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength!! At the moment Jesus died on the cross the barrier from sin between God and man was lifted. The curtain in the temple split in two.
I knew for certain I would not submit to surgery to have one of the masses removed. A week or so later I met with the surgeon. He agreed with the results provided by Abbott Northwestern. The masses appeared to him to be coagulated blood. He also stated it would not be wise to perform surgery after recently going through an internal bleed episode.
Yes!! I was elated. The first session with the family practitioner was like Satan being the one responsible for the words that came from his mouth. Now, this session with the surgeon was like the words that came from his mouth were from God.
As suggested by Abbott Northwestern doctors, I agreed to have a series of follow up CAT scans with dye done. Primarily, I agreed because I wanted to see what would happen to these masses. I wondered if Jesus would just make them disappear. He did not. However, the additional CAT scans showed that the masses were decreasing in size meaning the blood was being re-absorbed by my body.
CAT scans with dye are hard on kidneys. After I had a follow up CAT scan done in the early Spring of 2002, I got very sick and felt unceasing pain in my right side. I knew it was a kidney. I went into the urgent care unit in Mankato. The doctor ran a blood test. According to the doctor, the results of the test were very good. She stated a teenager would kill to have a result such as mine, which I took to mean my kidneys were functioning very well. Throughout that evening, I was nauseated and in much pain. At about 1 a.m., the dye had worked its way out of my body. Finally I could rest. When I talked with the surgeon monitoring my CAT scan results, we agreed there would be no more CAT scans done. That was the end of it, period. The excellent results of the blood test I believe show that Jesus restored my kidneys to a point where they function as well or better than a teenager"™s. Jesus put His signature on this event through restoring my kidneys. I believe He was also telling me enough is enough.
We all can relate to this because we all have pains at times and it is so good to be reminded that Jesus went through way more than we EVER will. And He did it all because He loves us, [b]not because He had to[/b].
As I read your blog I was impressed with the fact that you were able to see so much spiritual significance in all you were going through. Thanks for sharing these thoughts with us and may you be blessed because of it.