Written in My Heart: Death to Life Experience Part 2 (#12)
It would be good to reread Part 1 to follow this writing.
The final biopsy results, which were brought to me two days later seemed to confirm that what I had experienced was a rupture resulting in an internal bleed. The multiple masses floating inside my body cavity were coagulated blood and not cancerous tumors. In three days I went from a pronouncement of death to a newness of LIFE.
This whole experience revolved around the shedding of blood! Jesus did not cause the internal bleed, but He definitely used the experience for good. I am still in awe that Jesus allowed me to share in this way a taste of His suffering on the cross. The pain in the very center of my left foot. Two days later, pain in the very center of my left hand. Reminding of nails being driven into Jesus hands and feet. The following Wednesday, piercing pain in my left side, reminding me of how Jesus was pierced with a sword.
An important message that can be shared with this experience is the understanding that in order to be a follower of Jesus Christ one must deny self and pick up their cross daily. We must die to self and sin and grab hold of the awesomeness of the righteousness of Jesus.
I was released from the hospital late Saturday afternoon, November 17th, 2001. On Monday, I went in to see the new family doctor who had conducted a physical on me in October at a Mankato, MN clinic. The primary purpose was to set up an appointment for a CAT scan to be done within two weeks of the hospital discharge date.
Following are some of my reactions to my visit to the doctor in Mankato. As I entered the examining room, I felt like I had entered Satan’s den. The nurse kept saying the name Jesus over and over again in a very irreverent manner. I was struggling with this and about to ask her to quit taking the name of Jesus in vain when she stopped doing it. Then, the doctor came in. His arrogance filled the room. Instead of asking how I was feeling and showing any signs of compassion, his first words were (paraphrased), "you are going to have to decide whether or not I am to be your doctor." Basically, he was upset because instead of making arrangements to be driven to Mankato when I was experiencing the piercing pain in my left side, I agreed to be driven to the local clinic. As I tried to relate what had happened and the results of the biopsy, he began to insist that one of the masses be removed just to be sure I did not have cancer. As I left his office, I really questioned whether or not I could ever go back there again. However, an appointment for a CAT scan did get set up.
Over the next two days, I reviewed in my mind the internal bleed episode and the Mankato doctor's responses. Finally on Wednesday evening, I asked God straight out, "was this experience about sharing some of the pain and suffering of the cross with Jesus?" As I said the last word of this prayer, a pain went across the heel of my left foot. I asked, was that God's answer? My next thought was, do not question God.
This is not the end of the experience. On December 4, I had the follow up CAT scan done. Two days later, I went in to see this same doctor to review the results. Once again, he started insisting that I should have one of the masses removed and tested. He made arrangements for me to see a surgeon to review the CAT scan results.
For the next two days, I wrestled heavily with the thoughts of what I believed God had confirmed and what the doctor wanted to do. Was I to believe God, or was I to allow a surgeon to remove one of the masses. I believed if I allowed the removal of one of the masses I would be doubting God and thus be in a state of defiance to Him. I kept telling myself, if the doctors decided to remove one of the masses, I would refuse to allow them to do so. I wrestled and wrestled with this.
As I was wrestling with this Friday afternoon, I said to myself, I cannot take this anymore. It was about 4 p.m. when I sat down in my recliner and turned to the TBN channel on TV. I do not remember what program was on, but they were praying and saying the name Jesus. I sat back, closed my eyes and started to say Jesus over and over again.
I must interrupt this discussion briefly to share with you another happening that relates to this whole experience. After my rebirth experience in early October, as I was busy doing things around the house day after day, I would at the same time be saying I love you God, I love you Father. But, each time when I tried to say, I love you Jesus, there was something I can best describe as a sense of a barrier existing between Jesus and me. I could not understand this. It did not make sense.
As I was saying the name Jesus over and over again on that Friday afternoon, I literally felt the barrier being lifted from me. Jesus totally removed the barrier. From that moment on, I could tell Jesus, I love you. I love you Jesus with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength!! At the moment Jesus died on the cross the barrier from sin between God and man was lifted. The curtain in the temple split in two.
I knew for certain I would not submit to surgery to have one of the masses removed. A week or so later I met with the surgeon. He agreed with the results provided by Abbott Northwestern. The masses appeared to him to be coagulated blood. He also stated it would not be wise to perform surgery after recently going through an internal bleed episode.
Yes!! I was elated. The first session with the family practitioner was like Satan being the one responsible for the words that came from his mouth. Now, this session with the surgeon was like the words that came from his mouth were from God.
I have learned, especially in times of struggle, to call out to Jesus and to keep saying His name over and over. The struggling lifts off from me and a sense of peace comes over me. The peace only Jesus can give to us.
Don’t allow any barriers to form between you and the Savior, Jesus Christ.
Personal testimony of Dorothy von Lehe