Along Came God.
God formed me in my mother's womb! That can be comforting to most, but not to a child that is born into an abusive home. Abuse is tossed around today to describe an angry push, a frustrated scream or any action that harms another. When I was growing up what happened at home, stayed at home. it was something that was not ever spoken about at the time and we were not allowed to tell anyone else. Maybe mum thought if we just ignored it, it would go away.. I dont know.What i do know is, I walked around thinking it was just the norm. So everyone thought my family had it together.

I was the baby of 3. Between myself,my siblings and my social scene, i was known as the friendly, fearless, funny peacemaker. However, at home peace was a foreign concept - I knew about survival, fear and torment which all went hand in hand with being raised by an unstable father and a mother passively detached from reality. Dad had an issue with anger and alcohol, but unfortunately he didnt see the destruction and hurt he caused until mum walked out on him.I dont know really why he was the way he was but Little kids don't care why, all they want is for the abuse that happened behind closed doors, to stop.

I have memories as a kid, hiding under mums bed when the abuse would be happening. I knew full well i could not help her, but i just needed to be there with her. I have memories of crawling under the house to find a place where it would be quiet and i could go to that imaginary place where i was safe and loved.

Abuse. I have seen it, heard it, felt it . I have been at that point where your soul separates into multiple personalities just to exist.

I ve been at that point where ive felt so broken that i thought nothing and nobody could repair that damage and disaster that was my life.

But the story doesn't end there. Infact, it is just about to begin...

Like all fairy tales, a few years down the track, My knight in shinning armour showed up and rescued me from clutches of despair and destruction. He reminded me that He alone made me, and He alone knew you. He took me into His arms and called me His beautiful daughter. He reminded me that my identity was found in Him, not my earthly father and He has since taken me on this incredible journey and taught me so much.

On my journey, ive learned that You can't understand freedom until you know what it is to be in prison, a fearful slave to your life circumstances. You cant know liberty until you first acknowledge the anger, hatred, revenge, and shame in your life. And something im learning now...If you want to know hope, security, provision and healing? You have to learn to put God first! "In the beginning God' 'in the middle God," "in the end God," "in the between God," "in every step of the way God."

He is still leading me from hell to heaven, from denial to reality, from broken to whole and from damaged to restored.BUT I now know, when i fall.. I dont fall to the ground, I fall in the palm of His hand. Thats the safest place to fall.

So, as for now, I soldier on to become who He originally created me to be.. from in my mother's womb.

I am now alive.

Blessings,

Shani.
 Shani
  I have been a member of ChristianBlog.Com for 9 years, 2 months and 3 days.

  I have published 92 blogs and 267 comments.

 I currently live in: Australia.
Elizabeth Fox

Very powerful blog, Shani. A witness and testimony to God's power, His saving grace, His life-changing purpose.

I still hurt for you to have gone through that.

God's wisdom. God's power. That's what I have to focus on in what you have written. Not to forget where you came from, never that. But to use it as a magnifying glass to exemplify just how amazing God can work in someone's life.

~wb

joyce+

Honey, I wish you actually knew how well you do write and the impact it has on those who read it.
I am so very very proud to know you darlin.
xx

K Reynolds+

Shani-Girl, you have always been and always will be a blessing to me. Always remember you are indeed a princess... a princess of God. It has been a joy to do life with you as we both do life with God.

Blessings!

Love,

K :princess:

Nikki Brown

You are so awesome Shani!!
Your blogs are so uplifting and inspiring and it is so true what bethy said.
Isn't it awesome that there is Someone who will treat us like the jewel we are?
To God be the glory!
Thank you for this wonderful blog!

Nikki

Shani+

Hi there Christine :)

Thankyou very much for your comment. It took a lot of courage to write this blog. Infact i dont actually know why i wrote this blog aside from the possibility of helping someone else :).

GBU
Shani

Alison Stewart

Yet another powerful blog. May be it is time to start thinking about publishing your first book????

Thank you, Shani for the love and the passion with which you write and the truth that never fails to touch my life.

kb

Kenneth Figurelli

Excellent blog. I especially like your comment that you cannot understand freedom unless you have been in prison. - bibleguy64

Jeff Simms

Thank you for sharing your story. It is very encouraging to hear how God has touched your life.

Valarie Quick

I've read some of your blogs and I concur; you are a wonderful transparent woman of God.
shalom! secondrider