cant think of a title for this one
As the tears began to stream down my cheeks, I was grateful the dr couldnt see my face. The comment made by a nurse was simply an off-handed remark. The words themselves were harmless and i know she didnt mean it, but they gained power and cut deep because they echoed the feelings that were surfacing in my heart." Gods must really be gunning for you".

The past few months Ive been battling a few illness's which i will continue battling til God heals me, whenever that may be. if ever that may be. i cant count the amount of times my spirit has screamed out to God‚‚¬‚ WHY? Why am I in such pain? why cant i be normal? both of which questions, i dont know the answer to.

At the moment, I am unable to control my circumstances. And as I reach the end of my own strength, my only hope is to look outside myself for help‚‚¬‚ for someone who is much bigger than me.the issue i face though, is that i dont want God to even see me like this. I want to be invisible til im ready to face the world.

C.S. Lewis says that pain is Gods megaphone to rouse a deaf world. Its true. I never looked to God much when I was healthy and able. I knew He was there, but it was only as I've stripped of all my resources and become vulnerable that Ive really begun to seek God and to cry out to Him from the real depths of my heart. Still it is hard, I have to choose daily to trust that God is still in control and that He will use this illness to accomplish His purposes in my life.

For most days, I am able to trust that Gods love and strength will be enough for me that day.But there are also days when it is a struggle to trust. And those are the times when I am grateful for friends who remind me of the truth that God isnt any less powerful because of pain and suffering. He is able to heal miraculously and instantaneously. But we live in an imperfect world and it is only in acknowledging our suffering and our need that we are able to see Gods tremendous power to restore.

 Shani
  I have been a member of ChristianBlog.Com for 9 years, 2 months and 3 days.

  I have published 92 blogs and 267 comments.

 I currently live in: Australia.
Tan Yeowhwa+

Sister Shani, well I can feel and fully understand all that you are going through. I have struggled with illness for many years and it has not been easy, just like you have been through.:mrgreen::mrgreen:

Be encouraged that the Lord is on our side, though we may not understand why, nor understand fully His ways and even cannot fathom why people do hurtful things to us. Read this blog called : don't give up, hang on, for that's the time when the tide will turn.

May the Lord help you in this journey that He has allowed in your life and grant you strength and grace to walk the journey ahead. He will never forsake or leave you as an orphan.:heart::heart:

Thanks for sharing

Blessings always

From Hwa Silverpen

Kyle Sweezy

I dont think any of us question whether or not God is in control or whether or not he is able to heal you my friend. I think the question that is most haunting is will He? Isnt that the question that attacks our faith. We believe that God loves us so much, but according to human reason it doesnt make sence to allow this kind of pain and suffering in someone you love. The key to that is God's will is not built around man's human reason or capability of understanding. Here is something that Martin Luther said that has really shaped some of my theology. He said basically this, "live you life and work hard as you can, do everything you can as if there was no God to take care of you. When you get home, pray with humility to God as if you have done absolutely nothing for yourself at all." My only advice is this, go to your doctors, seek proper treatments do what they say and when you pray, pray to God as if you havent seen a doctor at all.

ps. I love your honesty, its not always happy-happy joy-joy in the christian life. In fact it cant definately feel quite opposite. I pray that God will bless you and give you all that you require during this time. I know He will.

-Kyle

K Reynolds+

Shani,

I'm sorry I haven't read this until now. Life has been unbelievably busy and rough this week. You know my story so I won't repeat it. I only want to

Remember how I told you about some words I penned during the worst night of all when I was in chemo? Perhaps not. I wrote:

God is bigger!

He makes my darkness light!

The joy of the Lord is my strength!

You wrote: For most days, I am able to trust that Gods love and strength will be enough for me that day.But there are also days when it is a struggle to trust. And those are the times when I am grateful for friends who remind me of the truth that God isn't any less powerful because of pain and suffering. He is able to heal miraculously and instantaneously. But we live in an imperfect world and it is only in acknowledging our suffering and our need that we are able to see Gods tremendous power to restore.

Absolutely! Our relationship with God and our faith cannot be based upon our circumstances... it must be based upon Him.

Love, Blessings and Prayers,

K :princess:

Alison Stewart

I rejoice at the work that God has done in your life and the opportunity I have had to see some of that growth. The spiritual maturity you have at such a young age is truly a blessing to see.

God has placed us together so that we may share one anothers burdens and our joys. Just recently you have had so many difficulties but through it all you have held on tight to him who promised to be with you for ever. What can I say, Sweets, except keep on keeping on. The storm will run its course and you will again feel the warmth of God's love.

Father God, I thank you for my very dear friend Shani. I thank you for the wisdom you have placed within her heart. Lord I stand with Shani and her friends and I ask that you remove the burdens she carries. Help her to surrender everything to you Lord and fill the void with your peace and your love. Continue your healing work within her body, mind and spirit please Lord.

Lord, I want to also ask that you will make a way for Shani to come here for a rest. Thank you Lord! Amen



kbird