its only in the black of night that you can see the stars
i was playing around in the shed today and i found a box with my name on it. I pulled the box down and opened it to find an old diary of mine from 2004. As i sat there and began to read it, i began to cry. Some tears were tears from sadness, some because im so glad im not there anymore and others were because i wish i knew then what i know now. One of my diary entries read :

2nd July 2004

"If they really knew what was going on, they would know I cant do this anymore. I want and need a way out. My family and friends dont love me, afterall how can they love me if i dont love myself. If there was a God, why has He not taken me out of here. actually.. come to think of it.. God wouldnt take me, He wouldnt want me. Im tired of hurting, im tired of pain, Im tired of feeling like im not good enough for anything or anyone.I feel dirty and empty. all innocence gone. Its hard to be strong, its not something that is given to you at birth, its an ability you learn through the trials of life. Here i am in a massive trial.. still i feel weak"

As i read this, the tears streamed down my cheeks. It bought back alot of memories for me. I remembered the night i wrote this whilst laying in a hospital bed. I remember the nurses waking me every 20 minutes just to make sure 'i was okay'. A few months prior to writting this diary entry, i was raped by a family friend.This created a very lost,confused and insecure 13 year old. i had lost all sense self worth and identity, I did not trust anyone ( not even myself). I had no confidence in where i was going and all my dreams and ambitions were ripped away from me. I had pretty much given up all hope of things ever getting better in my life. I already had a family that was far from functional and a dad who when i needed him most, was never around.

I dont write this blog to seek attention or anything like that, but i write this because ive seen some incredibly dark times in my life. Ive also seen some incredibly amazing times. I write this blog as an encouragement to people who are stuck in that pit and can not see any light in any direction. In the midst of trials, God is there.Even if we are completely oblivious to Him like i was. God carried me even before i knew Him and i thank Him for that now. Whilst i was broken and bruised in every area of my life back in 2003/04, i can now stand tall in who i am and I can say that I know i serve a God who says I AM BEAUTIFUL. I know i serve a God who MADE ME IN HIS IMAGE. i know i serve a God who wants to be apart of every area of my life. I know i serve a God who has far better plans for me then i could ever plan for myself. I know i serve a God who i can trust on the good days and trust on the bad days and I know i serve a God who loves me and accepts me just as i am and that is far more important than anything else.

A good friend of mine used to always say that when i find myself in the pit of despair, remember its only in the black of night that you can see the stars..I never understood til now.

Blessings
Shani
 Shani
  I have been a member of ChristianBlog.Com for 9 years, 2 months and 5 days.

  I have published 92 blogs and 269 comments.

 I currently live in: Australia.
K Reynolds+

It is true, you know. The stars are always shining brightly above us but we can't usually see them during the brightness of the day. Sometimes we will catch a glimpse of something like the planet Venus but for the most part, no. Oh, but the darker the night sky grows, the brighter the stars in the sky shine.

They tell me there are places where the stars cannot be seen at all in the night sky due to "light pollution". There is certainly light pollution where I live but not to that degree! I remember being out on the prairie though and the night sky is spectacular! Surrounded by darkness, the night sky shines!

Blessings!

K :princess:

Linda Young


Shani,
You were in a slimy pit, and I am so appreciative that you are reaching out to others who find themselves in a pit. I like:

Psa 40:2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

What I like most about this passage in the NIV and others is the word "lifted". Because the word "lifted" means to me that Jesus was down in the pit next to me (you). He put His strong hands about my waist and lifted me (you) up.

Why would He do that, except that He thinks we're wonderful, loves us enough to go down there and lift us up.

I imagine you have lifted several people with this blog, too. Thanks for writing.

:heart:

Alison Stewart

Whilst i was broken and bruised in every area of my life back in 2003/04, i can now stand tall in who i am and I can say that I know i serve a God who says I AM BEAUTIFUL. I know i serve a God who MADE ME IN HIS IMAGE. i know i serve a God who wants to be apart of every area of my life. I know i serve a God who has far better plans for me then i could ever plan for myself. I know i serve a God who i can trust on the good days and trust on the bad days and I know i serve a God who loves me and accepts me just as i am and that is far more important than anything else.

Or... to put it another way... you know whom you believe and are persuaded that he is able to keep that which you have committed unto him against that day when you meet him face to face. I love this blog, Sweets, it is so full of truth and promise. Thank you for sharing another facet of the Shani we all know and love.

Big cyberhugs..
kbird

Shani+

hey lovely ones.

thanks for all the encouragement and the bible verses and just everything ya do in general.
If i might say so myself.. ive come a long way in the past few years and ive learned that dark times dont last forever.
He is good when there is nothing good in me :)

Blessings guys :D