What a week its been! From hanging with my dad for a few days, to having my niece put in hospital, to looking after a sister and making sure she is fed, cleaned and entertained, to making sure i get stuff sorted for my move, to farewells with the womens group at church, to my last Sunday service at church. Ive barely had time to scratch myself. I could just go and sleep the next few days away. Yes, that'd be nice. I just think I need to write about it or else my head will explode from all the emotions.. if that's possible .
Ya know, even if I take away the first half of the week and focus on the saying goodbye part. That would have been enough drama to last me a while. I know I told someone in here that I didn't think I would be sad to leave. I was wrong lol. Saturday night at our churches 'Chicks night' and Sunday at my last church service both ended in tears.
On Saturday night I spent the night with a few of the women from church. We were having a blast playing games. Admittedly, I cheated a few times playing Pictionary but we were having fun. I really enjoyed the company of the girls.. but like all things, they have to come to an end. A few of the girls started reminiscing about things we had gotten up to over the time we have known each other. Boy did we laugh. But soon laughter turned to tears at people started packing their stuff up to go home. We started saying our goodbyes and 'I love yous' and hugs and all them other things that we do and people left. I was one of the last people to leave my gfs house. So much of me didn't want to. As I left, I thought of the countless times I'd left Candices house before, not really paying attention to the fact that this would be one of my last times
I glanced at her front door as I drove away, not expecting to see her there. But there she was, standing, watching me. I waved, she waved and she remained there, wiping tears from her face. In that moment, I wondered what she was thinking. Was she thinking of all the things we'd done or not done, said or not said? Or was she simply thinking the same thing as I? That it is so hard to say goodbye to one who has done life with you through all seasons.
Then on Sunday I had my last church service. I was doing fine til our last worship song and when my pastor and friends prayed me out. That was hard. With the on goings of the week and the fact that this would be my last time at church, the emotions hit me like a road train ( I cried, laughed and even snorted in front of everyone lol)
Funny thing is, in my life ive moved 11 times due to having parents in the defence force. You would think I'd be used to saying goodbye to people, but ive come to realise that saying goodbye isn't the hard part, its what we leave behind that's tough. I hate leaving friends. I would put it up there with my hate for flies and snakes in fact. But it's a part of life I guess, people are going to come and people are going to go all the time. Its what we do in those circumstances and whether or not we decide to keep a person apart of our lives. Sure there are people from this chapter in my life who will continue to walk with me as I will them. But then I know, that the Sunday just been will be the last time I see a few faces. That for me is a kind of scary thought
This morning I went and grabbed my bible out of my handbag and I realised that someone had slipped a disk in there. I put it in the computer and someone has put a song on it called 'Here I am' by Leona Lewis. Just when I thought I could go the week without more tears. I listened to it.
Ya know, I thought id be ready for this whole thing, but at the moment I just want to run back to my comfort zone. Where I am safe. This is going to sound really stupid because ive wanted to go back to Tasmania for sooo long, but I'm scared to do it. I don't know my future, I have no jobs lined up. I guess one thing I do know I can go anywhere I want in this world and I know that my God is there and His promises still apply. Ive got to be content with that. Ive got to get my heart to a place where I begin to really be able to trust and know what I can so easily type. I know that the next little while is gonna be tough, But Gods calls us to rise in the face of adversity. He is faithful and He will walk this road with me.
Published: Feb 21 2010 04:49:41pm
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I am glad that you are my friend, and little sister... -I too loved the song, and I too am glad that you will continue to be with us. I pray that you move will be smooth, and that you find work quickly... but as in all things, have faith in God's timing.