The hardest letter I will ever write
This weeks homework from my psychologist was probably the hardest ive had to do. She asked me to write him a letter telling him what I wanted him to know. And this is all I could give...

You are my rapist.

I never used to call you that. Sometimes you were “ an old friend” or “the guy who raped me”; mostly all I could call you was “him.” But as I grow in age and in indebtedness to Mercy, I grow in a real and mysterious strength. And I do not want you, but I will claim you: You are my rapist.

And that makes you mine to forgive.

You wielded power of body and crushed my spirit, but spirit can be renewed. And I am new, and my power is still not body, but it is surely Spirit. You used your power to take, and I will use mine to give.

I do not give you friendship; I will not invite you to dinner; Never may you ever be graced to know my children. I could not bear any of that. And the forgiveness I give you is not a pass. You were wrong, and you will always have been wrong. It is deeply and truly not okay.

But I give you, my rapist, a forgiveness that sees more.

Yes, you are my rapist. But not a monster; fully human. And you are my fellow traveler on a twisting, bumpy road. I have not taken the same wrong turns, but I have taken wrong turns all the same. And though I have not yet the strength to extend you my hand on the journey, I will humbly offer my map.

Because you are my rapist, but also my fellow traveler, and I do not wish you lost.

The map I will share is creased with compassion and worn with mercy and inked in indelible grace. I trust just enough to failingly follow it because I know no other Way. And though I cannot just now have you at my table,  I pray you’ll one day join me at His.

Because you are my rapist.

And you are mine to forgive.
  I have been a member of ChristianBlog.Com for 9 years, 2 months and 3 days.

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K Reynolds+

Because we were forgiven, we must forgive. I am think Shani, right now about what we did and often continue to do to God. I am thinking about how Jesus bore all of our sins. We, who had transgressed against God. We who rebelled and would often ignore His loving pleas. Yet forgiveness has been extended toward us all.

Always remember that as we forgive... so God forgives us.


K :princess:

Deborah Pinnell+

I love the work GOD is doing in your life. We need to use what Satan intended to destroy us for GOD's glory. I am encouraged by your words and know you will help many others who have been hurt in the past. Thanks for sharing.

Phillip Jones

To say anything is saying to much. It was that good.


True and total healing has begun. I love you, blest.

Alison Stewart

You continue to astound me with the manner in which you have embraced the journey to inner healing. I find your comments profound and utterly convicting.



I really ought to copy and paste the comment from asifbyfire. He said it all.

William Stephens

I was an aggressor, perhaps a criminal under today's laws. I have repented for 40+ years and pray for forgiveness like this. God bless you, I pray forgive me.

D Stenhouse

The greatest victories are achieved by those who to overcome the greatest evils.

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21

Shanijane, you are a true warrior in the Lord's army, and we are in awe of your achievement!

Grey Warner

First of all, I am so sorry for the experience you are working through. Having just joined in at this stage of it, I can only stand in amazement and rejoice with you where you are NOW. Your letter has given me so much to think about... although I cannot relate to your exact situation, your letter has given me a lot to think about regarding forgiveness... especially to those who do not want nor ask for it. I will be rereading your letter I'm sure... thank you for sharing! It meant something to me.

Tina Edwin

This blog reminds me King David,who faced many difficulties and trials over a period of about 13 years through which he finally became a man of God and a successful king.

Years later, he wrote these words: “You have tested me O God. You have refined me as silver is refined. You allowed me to be trapped in nets. You allowed heavy, oppressive burdens to be laid on my back. You allowed men to ride over my head. You took me through the burning fire and then through icy-cold water. But finally, You brought me out into a place of spiritual abundance and anointing, where my cup is now overflowing with blessing to multitudes of people. Praise the Lord”

With much love and prayers Tina :flower:

Linda Young

Shani, in your profile, you mention a couple of times that you're still young. Maybe chronologically you are. But spiritually, sweetie, you're light years ahead of the rest of us.

I agree with asifbyfire and bethy. I fear anything I say will take away from the deep and profound words you've spoken. But I would still like to say thank you for your transparency, your willingness to share. As you say, you're not the only one walking this journey, and we can suspect that someone really needs to hear what you've said. Thank you. It is such a privilege to call you friend and Sister in Christ.


Albert Bunyea

John 20: 23 If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”

Praise God for your compassion, and Praise God for the work He has done in you. without christians the world would have no forgivers, for we are the only ones who have been forgiven, therefore we are the only ones who understand how important it is to forgive.

Thank You for sharing this touching message.

God Bless,