I have been in pain all week. I'm physically fine this is an emotional pain that I m writing about. I certainly feel it, but I couldn't tell you what it was about until now. I am in surgery. The great physician is cutting deep inside me and rooting out core issues that have caused me pain for as long as I can remember. And, this isn't a simple surgery for He is going deeper and deeper and going after the root. Although, it is the most painful thing I have ever experienced, I know it is necessary. In fact, its the best thing that could ever happen to me.
The first surgery happened on thursday and after 3 days of recuperating, I was back on the table. I guess X-rays (my behaviour) must have showed that they didn t get it all. So today , I went back under the knife.
As with any surgery, it takes time to heal. There's re-hab. There's medicine to take and you have to slow down your life. You almost never feel the full effects until well after the operation has been performed. I tell ya this was no minor surgery. This was definitely open heart surgery and it's leaving some scars.
Right now I still feel I'm on the table and my guts are spilling out all over. I'm feeling vulnerable. Scared and unsure of my healing. I'm also hoping that he gets it all this time.
But I know in order for anything new to be in my life, I have to get rid of the old. He's going after the hurtful thought patterns I've believed that were never from Him. He wants me to see my life as he does full of hope, fruit and goodness. But first, He has to remove all the bad so I m going with it.
I'm not left without any morphine though. I have the best medicine around for healing for every time I ask Him to help me through the pain He s right there and takes it away. It only comes back when I forget about Him and His promises.
I'll keep you posted as to my re-hab. I'm letting my body heal at the moment and trying to take better care of myself and letting God fill up that empty hole in my heart. I m already feeling better, but, boy did it hurt. I'll let you know when the pain finally lifts.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (New International Version)
17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!