Why it's taken so long to write again
It's been a long long time since I have written a blog. To be completely honest with you, part of the reason is that my faith has been struggling and my mind, full of doubt the last year or so. I haven't had real consistent, in-depth, intimate time with God in quite some time. But it is not for lack of motivation. Let me give you a little background on my own struggle to have 'quiet time'. Contrary to expectation, it has little to do with an inability to wake up early in the morning or stay up later.Rather, it stems from a much bigger picture. This past 18 months or so has been super hard for me on a multitude of different levels. I currently have uncertainty about my health and my families health. I have had people who once walked with me, leave me. I have new stresses from work, I have been tired, worn out, and simply overwhelmed by life. If you could only see the daily struggle it is, to do the small medial but important tasks like get out of bed... Given these struggles, one would think that I would be chomping at the bit to get stuck into the Word. After all, isn't it in these valleys that I need God's refuge and comfort the most? Desperately, even. And yet, I really have to drag myself to open my Bible or to play some praise and worship. It's not that I can't remember to make time for itit's that I just don't want to. The idea of taking time to read, pray and be in His presence frightens me. So, you're probably thinking why right now? Why is my soul having the exact opposite reaction that it should be having? The answer is that I have become terrified of silence. The moment I sit still and eliminate all my distractions is the moment I lose control and have to confront everything that is burdening me, hurting me, draining me. And to be straight up, I don't want to do that. So instead, I fill every waking moment with noise. From the moment I wake up I turn on the tv. When I'm in the car I listen to music. When I am at work, there are tunes in the back ground. I use all of those different avenues to escape my reality. As long as I can keep myself distracted, then I don't have to think about the real heart issues. My body has become addicted to the rush of a noisy, busy day, not only in a chemical way, but in an emotional way. The distractions of my busy life serve as an emotional crutch, because they allow me to escape my hardships and pretend that they don't exist. Rather than face my suffering, I hide from it amidst my daily schedule. However. The last month I have been really sick and this of course has forced me to have 'quiet time'. I would be lying if I said I have picked up my bible and read scripture after scripture or played worship music but I have attempted to be still and confront and embrace my silence. Why? Because in the depth of this valley, When I feel like stuff is crashing down all around me, I remember and hold on to Gods promise that He will meet me in that place : Psalm 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God.” So here I am, trying to be still and taking lessons from the King.
 Shani
  I have been a member of ChristianBlog.Com for 9 years, 2 months and 3 days.

  I have published 92 blogs and 267 comments.

 I currently live in: Australia.
joyce+

"When I feel like stuff is crashing down all around me, I remember and hold on to Gods promise that He will meet me in that place : Psalm 46:10: Be still and know that I am God. So here I am, trying to be still and taking lessons from the King."

This is exactly what we were talking about last night at midweek. We were talking about the Joy of the spirit and how that joy is all but depleted when one struggles with anxiety, depression or severe trauma. Me, in my nice way said that anyone who told someone they had to have joy and an active devotional life when that someone is ill needed a good slap or two. ( my exact words ) .

But you my darlin' have it spot on. You are holding on to what you know ( I know, I know I messaged you this earlier, but this is for others too) . When you can't feel it, you go to your foundation. Again I say it, holding on by your finger nails can be the most difficult thing we do at times. When the silence brings memories that make us feel as if we are drowning and cause a panic attack, when the silence terrifies us holding on is worthy of a Victoria Cross medal.

But then we can do nothing else but hold on and remember that HE too holds onto us.

So proud of you for this blog. So proud.

John Knox+

I will say three simple things

I will pray for you continually.
Blog more often and share the load for my back is strong enough to carry your share.
God never leaves us; in our silences/valleys he is there inside your spirit.

As Bethy says so proud
.
Oops that's 4 points = forgive me

wmj

K Reynolds+

When someone is ill, whether it is physically, mentally, emotionally or all of them, the last thing they need is a lecture or catch phrases. What they need is to be held so that they know you care and that they are loved. I think this is the single most important thing we can do and it must be our first step. When you think about it, this is exactly what God does. He doesn't condemn us, He doesn't give us a lecture but He simply loves us and holds us. The other stuff, there is time for that later.

Sarah VM+

Thanks for writing this my dear. I get you and it makes perfect sense.

Makes me think about Elijah in 1 Kings 19. When the angel came to him he did not give him a book of devotionals or tell him to listen to some Lecrae and he'd feel better. He didn't lecture him or tell him to man up. Eat and sleep were his orders. It's that basic sometimes as we need to take a total 'time out' and regain our strength, to get the train back on the rails ... according to God's schedule and with His help.

When I read the OT and see great kings and prophets wailing and crying, fit for nothing, I remember there is no shame, none at all, when the same things happen to us. If they were courageous, and we know that they were, then we know that you are too. John Wayne has nothing on our Shani.

So ... go easy on yourself, just rest and eat and take your time to get better. We will hold up your arms lovey and pray for God to heal you, and help you, and show you His kindness.

You are His :princess: - "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" - that is His promise to all of His children. :heart:

God bless,

Sarah

Beth+

Nothing but love for you, Lovely

Beth+

Nothing but love for you, Lovely

Les B+

Shani,

As always, you remain close to my heart, thoughts and prayers. Sharing in many of the same struggles ... let me and all of us know.

In Christ,
Les