I want to share one deep and life changing experience I have had in 1989 when I became a Christian again after 3 years of straying and leaving the Lord. This is a very private and a very profound experience in my Christian walk. It has had left a very deep unforgettable footprint on the tablet of my heart.
I have never told anyone or any family members, though three-quarter of my immediate family are Christians. I just could not get myself to tell anyone , because not many would understand me well as I would be crying half-way through. The best is to write it down.
So I decided to pen it down on this blog , at least others will know of the great love and forgiveness our Heavenly Father has for His children because I have experienced it. I tell myself that I must do it before I leave this world, because no one knows how long or short our individual life is, and I may never have another such opportunity. So I must pen it down and and pen it here.
OK, so much for all the introduction.
After 3 years of Buddhist and part Toaist faith in 1984 to 1986, I came back to Jesus through a strange experience which I described in my testimony. It was difficult to believe Jesus is the True God in my earlier years when I was confronted by many types of Chinese gods here in Singapore.
The Chinese worshipped all kinds of gods ,even gods that are worshipped by the Hindus. Their mediums who are their servants , can speak to their devotees and guide them through fortune-telling with their utterances and palmistry, etc. Coupled with this kind of environment, my grand aunt was a medium for the chinese god of the disciple of the Toaist goddess of mercy, Kuan Yin
After I became a Christian again ,the sickness that plagued me ,went away with medication.I started going to church, it was the first time I heard of the charismatic movement. The Charismatic movement seemed so foreign to me, though I went to church for about 13 years of my life. All those times, the God of the Bible seemed so detached, there was no personal relationship with Him.
Now in the new Christian environment, I began to rejoice in knowing the True and Living God. Everything seemed so wonderful, I felt I was on the top of the world. I found the True and Living God, finally.
But my new found joy was short-lived. After a few weeks, the sickness came back . I took the medication and recovered but for only for a short 2 weeks. It seemed to come back again and again, the same cycle went on for 3 months.
In the third month, I was desperate and I really cried hard to God, "please tell me what is wrong? What have I done wrong? "
Remember there was no one to teach me or guide me, except the Holy Spirit. I was new in the church and did not know where to get help.
On the morning of the 12th March 1989, I will remember this day to my deathbed, I was very depressed but I have to fetch my mum to buy food. Whilst she went to the supermarket, I waited in the car .
I prayed again. Then I began to hear the word , "It is the wrath of God, the anger of God, it is the wrath and anger of God ". It just went on and on for all the time I was in the car.
Suddenly, it occurred to me that the Lord was telling me that He was angry at me, the wrath of God was upon me. I was puzzled of what the Lord meant, I thought He had forgiven me when I returned to Him.
So I quickly went home and went up to my bedroom and prayed.
Then the revelation of the Lord came upon me. The Lord was telling me that He was angry that I have had worshipped many other gods other than Him for those years I left Him and He was very ,very angry at me, in spite that I had returned to His Faith.
I was surprised and taken aback. In all those years that I went to church for 13 years, no one, no pastors or any church leaders talked about the wrath of God, they only talked about the love of God. I thought God is a loving God, so why is He angry at me? Isn't God a God of Love?
Slowly it dawned on me that there is another side of our Heavenly Father that many Christians do not know or want to talk about it, or even recognise it. God can get angry at us, at our behaviours and even our attitudes. Especially when we sin, when we disobey, when we have a proud heart, when we are arrogant, and so forth. And escpecially when we have another god unknowingly or knowingly. God is a jealous God. Read Exodus 20: 5, it is in the Ten Commandments.
The Old Testament has so many such examples when God got angry at many peoples, like Moses, Aaron, David and many others. Even in the New Testament, when Ananias and Sapphira lied to Paul about the false giving to the church, they died immediately. Many of these people mentioned in the Bible even died at God's hand and at God' wrath.
God is no respector of person, He judges us according to His Holy standard. God has no favourite!!
When I realised that, I started to cry and sob, I sobbed and wept so bitterly. I told the Lord that I was so sorry that I hurted Him, I did not know it was wrong to worship other gods as well ,and that I thought I was no longer a Christian, and that no one , not even a church pastor taught me that it was wrong in God's sight.
I wept for a long time, I felt so broken in my heart, just like David in Psalms 51. I wept until I could not weep any more. Even as I am writing this blog, I am weeping again, all these memories start to come back like a flood . Because Jesus has done a deep and profound work in my life then.
After crying for some time, I calmed down and then I decided to read the Bible.
When I came to the book of Hosea, chapter 11: 8 and 9 , these 2 verses just jumped up at me. The Lord said in these words:
How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I treat you like Admah?
How can I make you like Zeboiim?
All my heart is changed within me;
All my compassion is aroused.
I will not carry out my fierce anger,
Nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim
These words were so personal to me, because as Ephraim was the second son of Joseph, I am the second child of a set of triplets. These 2 verses were really meant for me!!
After these touching words from the Lord, I told the Lord that I meant business with Him, I would not worship any other god other than Jesus.I truly repented in my heart. Then I again took the medication. I want to testify that I have since recovered and to this day, almost 23 years later, this sickness has not returned. Praise the Lord. Praise God for keeping His promise to me. Praise the Lord for visiting me and teaching me in this special way that day.
That is why I love Jesus very much, because I have been forgiven much. Just as the woman who wiped the feet of Jesus with her hair and poured perfume on His feet.
The Bible says "her many sins have been forgiven- so she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." Luke 7: 44 -48.
Thank you for this opportunity to pen this experience to record the marvellous work Jesus has done in my life.
I cannot stop loving Him. I bless our Heavenly Father, I bless Jesus , my Lord whom I love very much and I bless the Holy Spirit.
Thank you, Lord for this opportunity finally , after 23 years. AMEN
May God bless all who are reading my blog and may God bless all His children in His Kingdom,
From Hwa Silverpen
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