My daughter, 18, is home, and with a broken heart. She came home 2 nights ago, but would not tell me why and was very resistant to any conversation. So I didn't ask her questions, though my displeasure was apparent in my actions toward her (I can't help it...I couldn't seem to be any other way)...so the first night...very little was said, except me having a talk with her about her attitude towards my foster sons, which hasn't been good. So, in other words...I was a mess because I couldn't show her the love that I knew was in my heart because it was so bottled up with so much negative emotion. Later that night the lid came off of my emotions however when as she was going to bed I asked "So I guess I won't be seeing you for another week eh? and she replied "I'll be coming home tomorrow too"...then such a relief poured through that all I could say was "thank you" but with a lot of emotion, and lots of love was poured into those two words. It is interesting, to note that until she has said she was coming home...I couldn't feel anything but bottled up emotions...I was being hard on myself because I was finding it hard to show her love...even starting to think there was something wrong with me for be able to feel the emotion of "love" but only of fear, dread frustration, and every other emotion..Love was not on top of the list. Last night...I rented a terrible movie...it really was not fit for human consumption...so I am not recommending it, however I picked it up without reading the rating...you might remember watching the original movie which was made in the 1940-50, or read the classic novel, I am referring to the story of Dorian Gray, and having being familiar with the story since my youth...but in a much less graphic way.and having been very impacted by it then, (I guess at that time, one didn't have to go into such depths of sin in order for the audience to see the disintegration of ones character). So I rented it... It depicts a relatively innocent young man who comes under the influence of a older debauched man, and is seduced into a lifestyle of seeking pleasure (so you can imagine how bad it was...I fast forwarded, or closed my eyes through much of the movie...but I was riveted by the conversations and the impact this man and the eventual choices he made had on this young man's soul. At one point, this older gentleman induces Dorian Gray to say that he is willing to trade his soul for a life of pleasure. And this is where it story gets a little weird...Dorian Gray, being the heir of a huge estate, commissions an artist to paint his portrait... this artist becomes a close friend...and spends an enormous amount of time painting this picture, however after it is finished it, Dorian Gray has it locked away in a private room where only he can see it because..this picture shows the corrosion of his soul...with each choice he makes it becomes more infected with evil. In other words it is visual image of his inward sickness. At one point, after killing one of his closest friends he says" I am God". So why am I relating to you this? And what has it to do with my daughter? Well, when Dorian Gray breathed out the words "I am God" I had a flashback to my daughters boyfriend when he said the same thing...well he actually said it several times...because he at times (without me taking him too seriously) telling me his name Gilbert meant "God of Men"...I at the time tried to tell him that could have other possible meanings, it could mean you are a child of God as compared to a non Christian, I explained to him that there is a passage in the bible that says "The sons of God went unto the children of men..."..it could mean that he was one of the "sons of God". However the last time we talked he had been adamant that, "No"..."I am a God among men". I must say, I was a little concerned about this....and then he drops the bombshell...he had been unfaithful to my daughter...not once, twice or even three times...in fact too many to really count...and he couldn't possibly tell me when it started (do you see how it is it seems to be like he personified Dorian Gray from the movie?. The movie produced in me a very strong desire to pray.) According to Gilbert. my daughter knew about him being unfaithful once but not the others...I told him he has to be honest with her, (thinking she will break up with him)...he did, she didn't, she would not let him go...and he changed his mind, unfortunately, so when I couldn't take it...I forced a confrontation which led to her moving out into his house (who lives with his aunt, how times have changed! As if that would have been an option when I was young!). So, what my point is about the movie is that it made me feel very sickened about the situation...and I really started praying...I felt like I was being warned that this was worse than I thought...(even though I didn't think it could get much worse).I felt like I needed to make contact with my daughter in some real way, but I was at a loss as to how to go about it...everything that came to mind I had said a thousand times before, and she did not want to hear it. I went to her room and still did not have any idea what to say...so when I got there I just said I loved her and I was happy she was home. She mumbled she loved me too. I left the room knowing I hadn't made an impression. I went to bed, but shortly heard her upstairs a little while later so I called for her to come into my room, I finally had something to tell her. I told her about how when I was thinking I was the worst sinner I could be, how God showed me only mercy and love...and for her to not believe the lies that she she has gone to far, that she can't be forgiven...I kept repeating how that when we come to understand God's mercy that we can start to feel love toward God...for not condemning us...but only responds with love when we return to Him and He restores us to perfection...as if it never happened. (I was in tears and went on and on about it for awhile...hoping to make her understand the beauty of it). The room was dark I wasn't sure if she was even listening. I confessed to her all sorts of mistakes I've made (some of them pretty bad) and asked her to forgive me...I talked about why I was fostering and how sorry I was that it affected her negatively, but that I knew God wanted me to do it, so I don't know how it could have been any different. Then finally...through tears she told me she and Gilbert had broke up. That Gilbert had broken up with her. I was weeping for her at this point because I know how much she loved him...she kept saying "so you are happy now...me and Gilbert aren't together...and I tried to explain to her how I wasn't happy that she was in pain...and that I am so sorry for her pain. I had to admit to her however that I was glad she was broken up and that in a few years she would be glad too...but I knew she couldn't believe that now. I followed her down to her room and put her into bed with suggestions of having some girls come over so she didn't have to be alone (her christian friends abandoned her when she started going out with Gilbert, they would come back though I'm sure). I can't help but think that Christian Blog has had something to do with this turn of events, and I want to thank you for all of your prayers. Well, that's where it is at right now...and I am just to thankful but please keep praying, she is in such a vulnerable position, ask God to protect her. In God's Love Shirley
Thank you Sister Shirley for sharing this inspiring testimony-you have the love of Jesus in your heart! Keep on a reaching out and your family will be in our prayers! God Bless you richly! Dave
Sister Shirley, glad that your daughter has opened up to you and has told you all about her problems. Continue to trust the leading of the Lord for He is the healing business. His desire is that we live in harmony at home and with all we know.
Continue to be brave and strong for the Lord will go before you and clear the path of obstacles for you. The Lord loves your adopted daughter more than we know, He died for her and He loves her deeply. Surely will He not take good care of her and will heal her broken heart?
I pray that He will continue to heal the relationship at home and will bring a good wonderful Christian man for your daughter in time to come that she will also know the Lord and will serve Him as the Lord leads.
Thanks for sharing
From Hwa Silverpen
I am at the time in my life where i can think about this, and see my self in your daughters position. I am 13 almost 14, and i see where your daughters perspective is coming from. I am sorry to hear this, but I am praying for you and your family. I have recently made mistakes in my life myself, being that i am a true christian, and i follow my families foot steps, i ad gotten so desperate for friends, that i had made a choice of cussing because i thought it would get me friends. Now that I have reliezed it, thats NOT what i want for my self. Now i am happy with my friends i have right now, praise the lord. Ans have a blessed life, I hope the best occurs on your situation.
God Bless You,