My husband told me recently that I should begin to write again. It's been a very long time since I have written anything of value or substance. It is my prayer that the LORD will allow me the privilege of tapping into that resource He has gifted me with, the ability to write. Lately I have been in a spiritual desert. Far away from my Creator, my Savior, the Lover of my Soul. This distance is my own fault, I don't blame Him. My past self (the old Adamic nature) keeps trying to take control of the wheel that steers my life, my decisions, my relationships and most importantly my relationship with Jesus. I guess the old self didn't get the inter-office memo about the new Boss and the changes! I finally broke down recently and spilled the beans to my husband (who is a Pastor) and let him know that I am in dire straits spiritually. Isn't it funny that people think the Pastor and his wife have it altogether and should be perfect? I'm a cracked vessel, not even close to "Pastor wife" material . . . I definately believe the Almighty Father has a sense of humor! Me . . . a Pastor's wife? Never would have "thunk" it in a million years. Pray for husband's congregation! M.
I started reading your post and literally thought, "when did i write this?":question: My husband also recently told me i needed to start professional writing and i too have been so totally spiritually drained. I have been thru so much in the last 2 years and feel like i have just been run over and left behind....and my husband has never been as spiritually full as he is right now and "nagging" at me to "come on" and run with him. Now i feel i am being called to fast so we will both start a 21 day juice fast. I feel like many changes are in store for the both of us thru this fast. I too have been on staff in church and my husband is now an Evangelist and people do think we have it all together...maybe one day we will...on the other side of Heaven anywaz!
Blessings to you...
Enjoyed the blog and comments. A special welcome to thepastorswife. I look forward to your writings. I would like to congratulate you both for not being afraid to be vulnerable and honest. In trying to cover up the truth we remain in bondage to living a lie, which invariably means we shun the true freedom that awaits us when we come to the truth.
"Then you will experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will free you." Surprised, they said, "But we're descendants of Abraham. We've never been slaves to anyone. How can you say, 'The truth will free you'?" Jesus said, "I tell you most solemnly that anyone who chooses a life of sin is trapped in a dead-end life and is, in fact, a slave."
(John 8:32-34 MSG)
Secondly, you should greatly rejoice that you have finally realised that you can't live the Christian life off your own steam. It is only then that you are ready to let Him live through you the life that only He can live. There no heavier weight than living up to the expectations of others, perceived or otherwise. It is interesting that the imperfect lay on others the burdens that they themselves have failed at carrying. Maybe it is so that they have company. Lay it all down at the cross, it was never yours to carry.
"What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
(Galatians 2:19-20 MSG)
Finally, I would like to encourage you to see your writing as God's means of manifesting His thoughts through your pen/keyboard. He is the inspiration to which you give flesh. This way, you can just relax and let Him do the revealing and you capture them to share with those He wants to bless with it. I guarantee, you will be amazed and blessed at what comes.
"All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:" (2 Timothy 3:16 KJV)
"We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts: Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost." (2 Peter 1:19-21 KJV)
"God can do anything, you know--far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." (Ephesians 3:20 MSG)
So as you break out of the old mold into the mold of grace, here is something that may encourage you.
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." (Matthew 11:28-30 MSG)
Set in my ways, unwilling to change
Always done it this way
Found my comfort zone in the traditions of men
Why rock the boat
Gotten used to the same scenery
Round and round it goes
Swimming in my own fish bowl
Scary thought, what might happen
If I were to leave my bowl
Lost in the ocean of His great love
Having to deal with the unknown
Requires trust in the divine
Letting go of my current "security"
Swimming in my own fish bowl
There must be more to life than this
There is a deep part of me, that calls out for more
An inner witness that I was made
To do more than exist
What have I to gain or lose?
I'll never find out
Swimming in my own fish bowl
Sink or swim, here I go
Abandon my fate in the hands of A loving creator
He made me and the ocean I'm swimming in
I'm His to keep, on this adventure
Amazing what life awaits
When you're no longer
Swimming in your own fish bowl
Hey Lady, all I have to say is that the Lord will never let you go. Once you are His child, you are His child for good. Don't be affraid of the spiritual dryness you are going through, this is happening for a reason. Don't waste the days away, tomorrow is never promised, pray to the Lord until you feel a break through. But remember, you have to be BROKEN inside, before you can ever expect a BREAK-through. Ask the Holy Spirit to break you and make you humble before the Lord. God bless!