Well, I had a nuclear type meltdown last night at home. It just seemed like things were thrown at me, one after the other. I found out that my brother, who is now in jail and awaiting sentencing which will send him to state prison, got beat up in county jail by another inmate. Something inside me welled up and I was so angry! Even though he's a drug abuser, dealer and an all around heathen, he's still my baby brother. I practically raised him. I was so upset that he had been physically attacked so that an other inmate could go back to state prison faster. I realize that nothing in jail makes sense but I was still so upset as his big sister. It took me by surprise how passionately I reacted. Ididn't feel like anyone around me really cared that he had been attacked so I began to lash out at my family. Needless to say I went to be very angry and defiant. I woke up this morning humbled and just feeling like a huge boulder was on my shoulders from last night. I've made my apologies to everyone but I still feel depressed about it all. -Marilyn
Of course you were upset, just as Jesus is grived when the enemy attacks us! Your anger is a righteous anger.
The cross words you directed at those around you are easily forgiven -- just ask those whom you may have affected. I am sure they will react to you with great understanding and forgiveness.
Ask God to direct your anger in a manner useful to His kingdom, perhaps something to do with a prison ministry. The enemy cannot stand when we have victory over his attacks against us.
I am confident that you will stand in 100% victory during this testing of your desire to serve God with your whole heart. I will pray for your brother.
I too have a brother who has taken the wrong path in his life. But I PRAISE GOD today that he has been fully delivered from his life of destruction! He is now an active church member and has gotten his life together, thanks be to our Lord for His sacrifice for us. All it took was 20 years of prayer! No exaggeration in years there at all. 20 long years of prayer and lifting him up to God for salvation. God was teaching me patience and perseverance in my own brother's trials.
Keep fighting and your reward will be delivered!