A Lesson Learned for Me

A little over 3 years ago I was in a bad state spiritually.( I'll explain that in another post) Well I had ended up running into a friend from high school that I used to go out with. We started talking on the phone a lot catching each other up and whatnot. My life was pretty much in disarray and so was hers. I don't want to compare who was worse off but we both had some work to do. We ended up deciding to be together though.I like helping people and encouraging people so I felt like being with her gave me purpose. I don't have children of my own but she has one and I didn't mind that either. Things were going smoothly at first as most relationships go and some things changed for the better for the both of us. She got herself a car and was doing well in college and was on her way out her mom's house and everything. I was very proud of her. There were some minor issues that hadn't changed but I won't go in to detail right now. Something in me clicked as well. Like I mentioned earlier, although I was a Christian I wasn't spiritually healthy at the time. I was a little bitter about some things. But I had realized that in order for me to be the man that I needed to be for my woman at the time, that I would need to get my life right with the Lord. I knew that our relationship would crumble if I didn't. God should be at the head of EVERY relationship. So I repented for not giving God the honor he had deserved and I started to work on my relationship with God. I tried to bring my her along with me as well. She grew up Hebrew-Israelite so it was real hard to get to her the Jesus was real and all the good stuff. She was very smart but when it came to the Bible and Jesus she had these preconceived beliefs that were way off like Christianity being born on the plantation. But anyway it seemed as though the more I was growing in the Lord, the further we were growing apart. It was very unfortunate for us cause we had talked about kids of our own and marriage. (We never had sex with each other, so we were eager to get married and start a family.) That started to seem more like a dream than reality. I didn't bombard her with scriptures or preach to her or nothing like that. I'm not one of those guys but every time I even mentioned Jesus in the slightest she would get this attitude out of nowhere that would last until the next day. EVERY time. We had a big argument about Jesus one day and that was the end of our relationship. She said something that made me think. She said that God was probably trying to show me that everybody wasn't going to be a Christian just because I talked to them about Jesus. We ended up breaking up.
I learned a lot through that relationship though. I learned that God had allowed me to go through that relationship so that I could get my spirituality together. I also realized that without Jesus in the picture, a relationship is tough. We couldnt agree on the simplest things that the Bible is clear about because she didnt view the world through the eyes of the Bible. We couldn't agree on how the normal like should be lived out. She was okay with partying, smoking weed, giving her son condoms when he was old enough without telling him how God views sex, and she even though it was okay to go to a private male strip party in the name of supporting her aunt. Two different beliefs or worldviews can NOT co-exist with one another. No matter how hard you try to get it to work, somebody will end up compromising. And as Christians, we all know there's no compromising in the faith. As i look back I see that our relationship was built on loneliness and convenience. Two things that won't sustain a relationship over the course of the trials and tribulations that will arise. Two people just don't have enough to have a healthy, spiritually sound relationship. They need Jesus as their foundation. The only foundation that won't break. Both parties have to be on the same page, unless of course both were unbelievers at the time of marriage. I've avoided many relationships after her because of what I had learned. No matter how good they seem, or how beneficial, if they don't have Jesus, it won't be a healthy relationship. I'm not saying you can't be friends with someone just cause they don't believe but definitely not in a relationship if you are a believer yourself. The mistake I made was dealing with her worldview and beliefs a little to late in the game. Knowing what I know now (or should've known) could've saved me a whole lot of heartache and stress and unnecessary arguing.
I thank God for the experience though because it ultimately brought me closer to God with better clarity for my future. Plus this was good blog content! Maybe it will reach someone else. I'm single now but I'll be better prepared whenever my wife shows up in the picture. And I have nobody to thank but God.

Joyce Bethy Ferguson @bethy ·

I'm not sure arguing or debating has ever brought anyone to Christ. We can talk until we are blue in the face but until the Holy Spirit convicts and draws the individual to God we are as an echo in the wind.
Relationships can be tough enough without being unequally yoked.

keep walking and learning. God bless.

Do not include honorifics.

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