In the days leading up to my son's end of the year awards ceremony, I informed him that after the assembly I was going to treat him to a surprise. I knew that he would love this surprise, and I told him so. He, however, did not receive this news with joy. Excitement to be sure. But no joy. Every time the topic came up, I was hounded with questions. "What will it be? Will it be a toy? A present? What would it be? Mom, why can't you just tell me?!" This would always end up with a huff and a pout, to the point where you would wonder if he even wanted the surprise anymore. Clearly, he was wondering if it would be worth all this build up, all this concern on his part. He even started instructing me on what would be a good surprise and what would not. He is a very commandeering type 5 year old. Now, on the way to his school there is a little mom 'n pop restaurant with a huge wooden cut out of a soft-serve ice cream cone out front. From the very first day of school he would ask me if I could take him in there for an ice cream cone. There was always a reason we could not go. Timing was this biggest issue. This was just about every day until about January, wherein he gave up asking me. But, this was my surprise. I knew how much he wanted to go there for ice cream. I knew that he loves ice cream cones with rainbow sprinkles. And my husband and I were going to take him there for an ice cream cone with rainbow sprinkles after the ceremony. You should have seen the look of disbelief on his face when we pulled into that little restaurant and told him we were here to get him some ice cream. Surprise! Oh how he relished those rainbow sprinkles! ********** When I was a junior in High School, I was quite sure how my life was going to go. I was going to finish High School, go to college, and become a teacher (probably English) in Chicago. I could picture myself in my mid-twenties coming home tired from work, kicking off my low heels onto my hardwood floor and pouring myself a glass of cheap wine with jazz playing in the background. Marriage was nowhere to be seen on my radar. Well, I got married when I was 19. College did not happen. But, that was ok! I had a man that loved me and I loved. So, maybe now I could go to college, and after I got my career established we could start a family. I could just envision it... The January after we got married, I told my husband that I was pregnant. And, as I started bonding with the small life in my womb I decided that I was going to be the one raising my child, not a baby-sitter or daycare. Anyways, I didn't have the education to get a job that would justify paying a sitter so I could go to work. We were too poor for that, and far too poor to afford going to college on top of having a new baby. It took a long time, a long long time of dealing with the way I view myself and the way I view God's sovereignty to become ok with this. To become ok with myself. But eventually, I started to dream again. I dreamt of how my clearly intelligent son would shine in school, maybe even homeschooling him. But my biggest, most dearly held dream I had was of the little brood of children I would have. Preferably 4 children. I imagined explaining to Paulie why mommy was getting so fat. Of seeing his comparatively large hand reaching out to caress that soft velvety hair of a newborn... Well, this didn't happen. It became clear from my son's behavior that he would not just benefit from but really needed interaction with other kids to be able to grow and mature. Homeschooling was out. And, while he did receive awards for outstanding achievement in reading and math, this year at school has been a behavioral nightmare that we are only just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Needless to say, you know that I only have one child. This has been the deepest felt blow. I cry out to God, asking Him over and over, "Why do you take away all of my dreams? Why do you steal away all of my hopes? Why? Why would you do this? I trust you, but..." Even with this heartbreak, I am submissive to the Lord. So, my foolish ever-hoping mind turns its attentions elsewhere. Perhaps now is the time for me to go to work. My son is in school and getting older. I could help my husband with the bills, we could start thinking about moving out of this tin can house and into something better... And yet I am blocked on every side. I feel as though my life is in a holding pattern, waiting. ********** Two different passages, both of them talking about the same event. The point that sticks out to me was that David was to wait until he heard marching in the tops of the trees. What would that even sound like? Something miraculous and unmistakable to be sure. He was not to move until he knew that God had moved ahead of him and won the battle for him. I'm listening for those footsteps, Lord.
Darlin,you write these blogs and they just tear my heart apart. I don't know if you realise that you have an exceptional talent for writing and making that piece of writing actually breathe. But you do.
Lord Jesus knows the heart of man (John 2:25).The Lord says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...” (Jeremiah 1:5). The Bible says, “And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified” (Romans 8:30). God knows all things. He will reveal His will to You and fulfill His purpose in your life.
Also the Scripture promises, “He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them” (Psalm 145:19). Accordingly, God will grant the desires of those who revere Him. He will listen to their cry for mercy and deliver them from all their troubles.
You are a darling !!!
I echo what Bethy said, Who.
A very wise friend of mine here at CB said something to me while I was in cancer treatment that I have never forgotten. My friend told me that God was writing my testimony even as I was living it.
Just today, when I was attending a Bible study this morning, I was reflecting upon some of the major "bumps" in the road or the strings of very long, seemingly unending ordinary days when nothing appeared to be happening. Something was happening...only I couldn't see it. God was and continues to be at work in my life.
My friend, you can not possibly know the impact you have upon others, just as they see you living your life. You do not know when a "chance word" you say may be exactly what someone needs to hear at that moment.
Something just came to mind right now and I think I will share it with you. Over the years, I strived to teach my son the ways of the Lord. Oh the conversations we would have over the years! I tried to show him what it means to walk by faith and not by sight, what it means to be a follower of Christ and what an amazing thing grace is. I tried to teach him that God is faithful... even when we are not.
He hit those rough teenage years... and I prayed. How I prayed! I remember the times I would go into his room in the dead of night... and pray. I felt like I was in a battle and I was!
A few years later, I had the privilege of sitting in audiences and watching my son perform in front of other teens. I had the privilege of hearing him speak and seeing them come to him with their questions. The words were familiar. He had been listening...
Since those days, I have watched him minister to other young people at the church he was attending when he lived in Nebraska. He would call me up and share with me things that had happened and what he had said. The words were familiar and being passed on to yet another generation.
You may be in a "holding pattern" at the moment... but God isn't. In His time, Who... in His time.
Today while out running what seemed like an endless amount of errands, I was having these same thoughts. I wondered Lord am I serving you enough, am I doing enough. My thoughts turned, "Lord send me out, use me!!" I was pleading. Then this still voice came reassuring me that He was using me, I was serving Him. I am raising our children up in a Godlly home, instilling Godly values, teaching them who Jesus is and why He had to die for them. Indeed [i]this[/i] is a high calling. This is what I am suppose to be doing right now, for this season. The day will come when the calling will change, when the season will change.
I have trouble waiting upon the Lord, I sometimes think that He needs my help to forge ahead and prepare the way. Instead of waiting for Him to go out before me preparing the way for me. You are wise to wait listening for the marching. Waiting can sometimes be the hardest part.
Thank you for your message, it was a timely one for me.