healing and naaman s folly - Final lessons on my healing journey - Published by John Knox+

Christian DIVORCE?!?!?! published by
Yesterday I was listening to Christian radio with my siblings and there was
Yesterday I was listening to Christian radio with my siblings and there was a show on that my siblings love to listen to. So I was going along with it ( I am not a big fan of "contemporary" Christian music and Christian radio) and there was a supposedly Christian family going througha a divorce. At the end of the program they went on to say that it is OK to get a divorce.

Wow... wait a second.. this is CHRISTIAN radio... why did it sound so much like my secular step mom telling my little cousin that her unsaved parents getting a divorce is OK because they aren't happy...and it is just something they have to do.

"The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"
And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made[a]them at the beginning made them male and female,' and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"
He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." [Matthew 19 :3-9]

The Bible , which by the way every Christian should be reading on a daily basis, says that divorce is WRONG. UNLESS... your spouse has committed adultry. IT IS NOT OK to get a divorce because of money, because of unhappiness., and because you "just don't love that person anymore"

Marriage is FOREVER. When you get joined with someone else.. you become ONE. My old pastor described marriage as this... The people are two rocks, and they are crushed into millions of pieces and put together in a jar. It is hard to fully remove all the pieces of one of them to make them two again. Why do you think divorce hurts so much. It affects everyone in the family.

I am a product of divorce and I have had a hard time with the whole thing, but see the thing is, my parents were unsaved. I am not saying it is OK for them to ahve gotten a divorce, BUT I am saying that they DIDN"T have the Law of God telling them not too. We Christians are supposed to follow the Word and what Jesus has commanded us to do.

But, we Christians look too much like the world we live in. The divorce rate is the same in Christians as in the world. We go to counsolers and pastors before praying and reading the Bible and looking at what we might possibly doing wrong. We are supposed to be different!

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." [Romans 12:2]

Why, brothers and sisters, does it seem like its ok for a Christian to get a divorce? I know I am only 17. And I haven't been tehre and done that in a marriage. I have never experience that, but I do know that we as Christians are called to follow God's word, and it makes me mad how Christian radio looks just like the world and is teaching kids, that divorce just happens. I know I am probably opening up a can of worms right now, but I truly believe divorce is wrong.

Published: Jan 04 2008 04:32:41am

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Andrea Lynn (@allforhim)

Amen Samantha! As a product of divorce myself, and going through my own there is absolutely no good in it. I praise God that through my divorce to your dad God brought me so low that I was finally able to see my need for Him, and it brought me into a relationship with Him. Romans 8:28 and, in turn, brought you, too! Huh? I am sorry that you had to go through it, and truly repent of my sin, but am thankful God used it for good. I praise God for how He showed me no matter how difficult marriage is, that if I turn to Him for guidance and strength, He will sustain me to get through even the worst of times in my marriage. God is bigger than divorce, He is bigger than anything, we just need to seek Him first, and all our needs will be provided for. Great blog from my 17 year old daughter who is full of His wisdom! I love you! Mom

Linda Young (@savedbyegrace)

Goldie I love you! Your words echo my own heart and passion. I do not judge anyone who is divorced because I am divorced and remarried. My parents divorced, and my daughter divorced and remarried. We as Christians must never forget that many people are divorced against their own desires under these so-called "no fault" divorce laws where one spouse can divorce the other without a backward glance, and thus some become victims rather than willing participants. Scripture is clear that God hates divorce. Jesus said that it was because men's hearts were hard that God relented and permitted divorce but no way, no how does God condone, approve of, desire, or even come close to thinking it's okay to divorce. Now, why would any believer go and purposefully do something we know God hates? And what a lie the world tells us when it says that God wants us to be happy. Perhaps, but God is far more interested in our holiness than our happiness. He's all about our character, not our comfort. Sorry to rant and ramble. It hurts me to know that the divorce rate among believers is the same as it is among unbelievers; and dishonors the Holy Name of my Lord and God, and I get on a tear. Oh, how I wish I had the wisdom and knowledge at your age that you do. You give me great hope for our future. YSIC, Grace

K Reynolds+ (@kreynolds)

I really rejoiced when I read this blog. It is so wonderful to hear a young person acknowledging that marriage is a life-time commitment!

When considering marriage, one needs to also think with their head. Far too often, trouble-lights are flashing prior to marriage. We just don't want to see them.

1. Does the person get overly impatient with you? Perhaps they've never actually struck you but they've been angry in a way that makes you feel afraid. I'm not talking about the occasional disagreement here. Most of us do get frustrated or upset at times and may even say things we don't really mean. I'm talking about anger that creates fear. It can be volitile or cold and silent. If they cause you any feelings of fear, you need to think twice about getting married. I've had to tell my husband things that I know will upset him such as wrecking the car, forgetting to take care of something important, making a mistake in the checkbook or that I said or did something I shouldn't have. While I know he won't be happy with me, I have never been afraid to tell him. I know he loves me inspite of everything and as soon as he's recovered from the initial shock (that always happens within seconds) he'll join with me in figuring out the next step.

2. If the person is critical of I'm not talking about constructive criticism which is given to help you do a better job and actually causes you to grow. You can feel the difference. One inspires you, the other makes you feel ashamed. If they are making hurtful comments about you both to your face as well as to others, get as far away from them as possible. You should never surround yourself with people who are destructive towards you, let alone marry them. A spouse has the responsibility to encourage, support and build each other up. Married couples who are in a truly happy marriage do not bad-mouth each other in public or in private.

3. Are they following Christ or are they just going through the motions? Of course, you can't see into their hearts but God most certainly can which leads too...

4. Pray, pray, pray... and then pray some more. Marriage is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make. Seek the counsel of others. If your parents have objections, find out why. Granted, sometimes their objections are self-centered...they simply don't want you to get married because it might physically take you away from them. However, often the objections are very valid. Remember, they're not the people who are in love and so they are probably viewing things more objectively!

Marsha Tyler Ronquist (@kraftykatz)

You have very good insight for one so young and I think you for sharing. Divorce, a very painful experience, one that I went through and wish never to do so again. Opening old wounds, painful memories I guess you could say a can of worms. Divorce for Christians and divorce for people in the secular world are two different things. The secular are not bound by a commitment to Christ. In the world, divorce happens and we, as Christians must deal with it. We can not turn away people from our churches because they are divorced, yet I have known ones that have done just that and Pastors who will not perform a marriage ceremony for couple, even non-Christian couples. The two types of divorce should be kept separate. God allows for divorce because of the hardness of our hearts. Sin entered the world through disobedience, but we have a loving and forgiving God. It is sad that the divorce among Christians is the same as the secular. Divorce is not an unforgivable sin, yet like all sin, it should be avoided. When I married the first time, just before the ceremony, I had the urge to turn and run. I wish I had. I was not living as a Christian at the time. I had left the church and any fellowship with believers before I married this person. I married in 1962 and divorced in 1971. Please, I want no one to think I am saying that divorce is okay it is a sin. I could share many unhappy marriage and divorce stories with you, but I will not do that. Instead I am going to share a true story with you with an ending that glorifies God. In the mid 1980's, my husband's sister and husband separated. This was a marriage of over 23 years and 3 children. I started praying for them daily. They didn't rush right into a divorce, so I kept praying. The months turned into years, yet still no divorce and no reuniting. You see, they are Catholic and I think because of this they didn't rush to a lawyer. A good three years went by and I still prayed for them. We went up to the Upper Peninsula for a visit in August. They told us then that they had filed papers for a divorce and the house was being sold. I went home very discouraged after all the time in prayer. I stopped praying for the salvation of this marriage. At Thanksgiving time, my husband received a phone call from his sister. The house had sold, but the divorce papers had gotten lost. They could not be found at the lawyer's office or the court. They had decided to reunite and after selling the 5-bedroom home bought a nice 2-bedroom home. They will be married 46 years this month and are still together. To God be the glory.

Jeff Ostema (@thereisnogray)

We really have to go to God on this one, don't we Goldie? So much worldliness entering the lives of Christ-followers. I have been reading a lot about this subject lately (my wife's brother married a woman who is divorced). In my research, I came across this article at Christianity Today: What God Has Joined. I am more confused than ever, but I know this: as Christ followers, we must always ask ourselves "What is the right thing to do? In light of who I am, who I want to se myself being, and what my future goals are, what is the wise thing to do?" Earnestly seek His will and He will make it known to you. God bless you my friend, Jeff

Raynard Shellow (@iraqivetsgtret)

th golden . as one who divorced years ago.i did it for the wrong reason and not what the word of god said about it. isnt that arrigant? i repented and digress here.god has a sense of humor too. he let me 'stumble and bumble' like the'keystone cops' and laurel and hardy and abbott and when i gave my life back to him and asked him in prayer to show me his way cause it is better than mine he blessed me with the one he wanted me to be with and even thought we got treated "slightly' different cause we both have divorces in our background god gave us a new start when he washed us in his blood and died on the cross for's still all about him...

Richard McClatchey (@penguin)

Christian divorce has been a very hot topic inside and outside the church. We must hold fast to what the Bible says. Too often, some Christians forget the true love that they have shown one another at the time of marriage. Worse, it seems that many of the Christians that get a divorce are Biblically illiterate or know very little of what the Bible has to say to such things. Christians who get a divorce for a bad reason are a big stumbling block to the Christian community. Others see Christians no different than the rest of the world. That's a very bad sign. All Christians need accountability partners. Any Christian couple who have struggles with their marriage--say, they're becoming tired of each other--should first seek their pastor to see if perhaps, they can find them a marriage counselor. Then after the sessions are through, this couple could perhaps take a small vacation away from it all, so they can rediscover themselves again and renew their love for one another. I thought it add that and want to say that this is a great blog.

Ashleigh Kaye (@livingtoplease)

Hey. I have been through 3 divorces. My parents are both in there 3 marrage. I just dont think that my dad should be married at all. I dont get he can just get married. Leave her and get married again. Its not right. So It was nice to read this! God Bless

Terry Fitch (@terry)

Everyone's comments are great. I am one who divorced his wife of 12 years as a Christian and had good reason. Even so, it still hurts. Its been almost 7 years now since divorce and I still have hard time dealing with it. The church that I was involved with completely denounces divorce. If you are a divorced person, you are an outcast. It does not matter the reason. In a way, I can understand that. I HATE divorce myself. I believe that God still has purpose for those who have been through divorce. It may be to help others going through the same. God Bless Terry

Rhonda Jones (@blackrose65)

I personally hate divorce. I believe that marriage is, and should be 'til death do us part. My parents married, had me and divorced all before i was even 2 years old! And once I learned about and experienced (ouch!)my dad's tendency toward violence, it's a good thing my mom and dad divorced when they did, or else either my mom or myself or both of us may not be alive today! I feel you goldie about not wanting Christians to divorce, but I'm hearing that verse about the believing spouse letting the unbelieving spouse go, in my spirit. I am of the personal opinion that if you work as hard as you can in a relationship and the spouse isn't, then it's time to let go. because instead of being a blessing the union becomes a burden. Take a look at the exposure (finally) of spousal abuse in Christian relationships... and think about it, ok? I don't want anyone to be bound in a potentially life threatening relationship because they hate divorce and I'm sure you don't either. selah

Albert Bunyea (@bubbavela)

This is the reason why I have so much faith in the Holy Spirit. It is our Lord teaching us. We as Christians get alot of our preaching from those who may or may not even believe in the Holy Spirit. Still none of them could have given us a better answer to God's desire for divorce. Not only does Samantha explain the reason why our Lord does not want us to get a divorce, she seperates the Christians from the non-christian. This is so important, we must remember that those that are not yet christian may some day become christian. Wow, i am so amazed that our Lord has given you so much meat in which to feed us. I praise God for your understanding of His scripture. Please continue to feed us with your inspirations. We often get involved with people that we think is the one. We hope and pray that its the one person our Lord wants us to be with. Then suddenly for some reason they are taken away or decide that it wasn't meant to be. Praise God that we find out before its too late. Thank You, bubba

James White (@jwhite)

I came across your blog bc i am in a difficult situation. I am a Christian and got married. I agree that divorce is a sin and we should not do it. What makes my situation difficult is that I got married only bc I did not have the courage to call off the wedding. I lied at the alter. I told my wife the truth a few weeks into the marriage and since then we have been doing a lot of counseling, being together, praying...etc. Our one year anniversary passed and to this day I we both that I do not love her. We are friends and nice people so we dont treat each other bad but there is no eros love in our marriage. I know for a fact in my heart of hearts that I do not love her nor have the desire to love her. I knew that before I lied at the alter. Some questions I have are, Would you want to be in a loveless marriage? (Your husband, in the purest of heart, does not desire to even kiss you). Assuming your husband will never love you...what do you think will happen/what will your marriage be like 5,10,15 years down the road when the space in your heart that God designed to be filled by human love is not filled by their husband? (and visa versa...the the husbands heart is never filled by her love and his heart is not filled with the joy of giving love to his wife) (I am assuming this space made for human love cannot be filled by God, himself. Lets say, God can give someone to be joyful in life and not agonize over this space being empty (single people can be content and joyful in singleness), but God cannot fill this space just as much as humans cannot fill the God designated space in a heart. Lets say too, this is not limiting God; it is simply how God created the heart. For example, you jump off a bridge and God does not "catch" you and so you die. The fact that God did not "catch" doesnt mean that He is limited in any way. It is just the way He has made things on this earth to work.

James White (@jwhite)

ps i know you wrote this thread years ago...maybe it will still be answered.

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