I thought I had forgiven...

I thought I had forgiven my exboyfriend for what he has done to me... I was driving down the road with my friend and we were talking about the relationships we had been in and I was telling him about the recent break up I was in and how it happened. I explained it to him and sat there staring out the window and he said "Wow, that guy is a jerk." and I looked at him and said "well, yeah!" But then I got to thinking.. I thought I had let go of him and I thought I had forgiven him but I still hold on to this pain. I still am angry with him. I still haven't fully forgiven. I was wondering, does it take time to truly and fully forgive someone?? I mean I know this breakup is still fresh.. but it is like somedays I feel like I have forgiven him. I am not angry at him, I pray for him, and I honestly want what is best for him. But then there are days were I am still mad at him and , sad to say, want him to be in the pain I went through. I guess it is true I still love him to an extent... but I don't want to ever see him or talk to him again. Its like my soul does want what is best for him, but then my heart is still hurt and wants him to hurt. Do you think it is ok for me to send all his stuff back to him? I have it all packed up and ready to go, I just don't know if I should do it. I know I need to get ride of the memories. I look at God's great forgiveness and see how He doesn't hold what we have done wrong against us, but He still lets us face the consequences of our sins. I long to be able to forgive my ex all the way and be able to not have anger towards him. Is it normal for me to not want to at the same time? Just some questions I hope some of you can help me with!

@lfjoito
Esther Teuka @lfjoito ·

Hey Sam
awww i wish i can help take your pain away truly.
its not easy but if you wish to move on and really make a start its always good to return his stuff as a symbol of moving in a new direction
and girl you will get there the pain is still visible and still make the choice to forgive and i know God will do the rest.
Im still praying for you.
Much love
Esther

@melisa
Melisa Edmunds @melisa ·

I agree with Esther, sometimes choosing to forgive has to happen several times a day. Sometimes it is stopping your mind in mid thought and turning your thoughts over to Christ. Jesus loves you sooooooooo much and is holding your heart in the palm of his hand. That's the best place to be.

@bethy
Joyce Bethy Ferguson @bethy ·

Goldie you asked [quote]does it take time to truly and fully forgive someone[/quote] and I suppose we can only answer from personal experience. So I would have to answer, yes, to that question.

Sometimes forgiving is an instant thing, and usually with us humans it applies to the minor hurts and bumps in life. However with the " larger hurts" forgiveness needs to be a conscious choice. We need to choose to forgive even when we don't feel like it. Its the medicine for an ill, we may not want to take it , but in the long run it will cure us. Forgiveness will cure us of that pain.
I looked on forgiveness as a journey. Firstly I decided I would forgive the person who hurt me. To make that choice in itself is not easy but it is the first step, and the first step is the hardest. Then my God and I went on the journey hand in hand. Everytime I though of him, I turned that memory over to God, and asked God to help me forgive him for that one thing. Eventually " that one thing" became my two years of hurt. it was dealt with.
But even now I sometimes have to remind myself that I have chosen to forgive, and now that forgiveness drowns out any other voice in my head.
How long did my forgiveness take.. hhmmm years if Im truthful
How I praise my God he forgave me in an instant.
Forever restored in his eyes.
Beth

Goldie a little post script here.. when I got to the line "I had nothing new to forgive him for", I stumbled for maybe a full five minutes over the word "him". I substituted the word "him" for other words that jumped into my head. Yet again I reminded my flesh that I have chosen the path that Christ commanded me to walk.

Beth

@pievenicole
Abigail Guevarra @pievenicole ·

Goldie,,

how are you?! it's me.. abhie..! i hope u still remember me..

anyways, though i deleted my account, i guess, more/ less than a year ago, i still read your blog entries.

I hope that though it hurts (about your bf), you would continually stive hard to overcome the pain.,
Move on with Jesus!

i miss you dear siz..,

Someday, you'll get through with all these things. Just be willing to forgive him. Be willing to be molded by Jesus. Continue to surrender all your hurts and al your thoughts to Him.,

im standing with you in faith and in prayer!!

-abhie-

Do not include honorifics.

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